(I thought about posting this on John B.'s "Frog as a Deadly Weapon" thread because it says he was charged w/ aggravated assault, but it doesn't say what "weapon" was actually alleged ... but I didn't want to bring down John's thread any lower than it already was ....)


Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

March 17, 2006
Chicago Sun-Times

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

Smashing car windows

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.

Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

The occupants were not home, he added.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

This is a "chunker" with a level of commitment I do not possess. Maybe to make him feel better they will add a deadly weapon paragraph.

"Officers stunned him with a Taser."
"Fik stunned officers with a Penile Projectile."

I guess he showed them.

Shannon, thank you for maintaining consistent professionalism in your posting decisions. You are close to winning some sort of award for focusing so consistently on male genitalia.

they have an award for that? i'm scared of where the awards ceremony is . . . held.

on a more optimistic note, i'm glad to hear that these kinds of injuries are uncommon.

Where's the part of the story that tells us this guy was on PCP or off his rocker mentally ill? 'Cause he sounds bats**t crazy!

Maybe he'd been watching A Clockwork Orange. I recall someone was murdered with a penis in that movie. It was a giant ceramic penis, but I guess he lacked that important prop and made do.

This reminds me of the story explaining the difference between being involved and being committed. Regarding breakfast; the chicken is involved, the pig is committed. I believe this fella was committed.

I think we should give credit where credit is due.

quote:

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"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

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Ten feet! That has to be some kind of record.

On a side note, this thread seems to give us some gift giving ideas for Shannon.



See the entire product line....

Here

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Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak.

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What? No charge for indecent exposure?

Would this act be antithetical to the "intent to arouse or gratify"? Or am I becoming too provincial?

Littering.

somehow a fine only offense just doesn't cut it.

Do you think the chunker has any regrets, in hindsight?

He didn't spot his checkdown receiver, who was open at the time.

Wasn't intended to be a pass play -- he was looking to hand off to the tight end with the good hands, who obviously missed the audible.

Most people teach their dog to fetch a stick.

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What? No charge for indecent exposure?

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Obviously, insufficient evidence.

quote:

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Originally posted by Greg Gilleland:
Do you think the chunker has any regrets, in hindsight?

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I'm betting he was regretting drinking all the beer it took to muster up the courage to do what he did to himself. That is one seal that would not feel good breaking.