In a possession of marijuana case, I recently had an officer testify that he was "riding two man" with his partner on patrol one evening. It took quite an effort to keep a straight face.

I haven't heard this one in court, but I know of a teacher who likes to teach by presenting students with "highly pathetical" examples.

Joel -- Back in the dark ages, last Century, when I rode patrol w/ HPD, we were listed on the roll call sheets as "one-man" or "two-man" units. Even cars with females of the opposite sex were called that. Yes, a horrible, sexist term, I admit, but we peons didn't come up with the term, we just put in our 8 or 10, then went on to the extra jobs. We never knew we were perpetuating an
idiom that would one day make it to the world-famous user forum of TDCAA.

Jane, I think you should be awarded a coveted TDCAA cap for starting a topic that has now made it to 3 pages. Maybe Scott could name his band in honor of this subject.

A.P., I now understand the term two-man. However, I think the best example that I ever saw of cop-speak in a report was, "I observed that the vehicle was occupied by a B/M two times." I frequently use that example when speaking to police groups on why we as prosecutors want officers to speak in plain English. It's a hard habit to break, I'm sure.

That's clear, Dan. But right now I'm out at
4594 with a rolling G.

I have a report where it reads, "I observed a long black man's wallet lying on the nightstand." For the record, the owner of the wallet is not African-American. Oh, the perils of leaving out a well-placed comma!

My favorite PC affidavit included the following:

"A car pulled up. J.H. ... pointed to Officer M. and told [the others] that he was 5-0, which is street terms for cops, coming from the series Hawaii 5-0, which was a police series, where the police could do impossible things. ..."

For more amazing office stories, go to

The Office Story Web Site.

Digging in an old file to answer a writ recently revealed this one.
A defendant wrote a letter to the court asking for immediate medical treatment. He learned that his co-defendant/lover had recently been diagnosed with cancer. His request states "Niether of us used any protection, so please as soon as possible get me to the nearest facilities that treat cancer patients that I may receive test and necessary treatment."

had a drug officer here who, for p.c., in the course of a pat-down, "noticed a bulge in the subject's pants... an object was felt in the area of the bulge." Heynow!

A routine check for outstanding warrants was done threw the Polk County dispatch.

Sounds like it will be subject to a motion to squash!

Is three pages a record for a post?

This thread seems as appropriate as any for this post. Did anyone see the cover of the May 5, 2003 issue of Texas Lawyer. One of the lead articles reported on a recent Court of Criminal Appeals case in which the court held that police did not need a search warrant to look between the buttocks of a defendant. The headline reads, and I am not making this up,:"CCA Upholds Butt Search For Crack."

Yes. I did. Just one more reason to thank the folks who were the blue (or whatever color the uniform is) for doing a thorough job. And be thankful I don't have to.

(This was an difficult post to make without degenerating into all kinds of adolescent, scatological humor.)

I tried to start a thread on the "Butt Search for Crack." It was called "Body Cavity Pocketbook", after Judge Cochran's phrase in the concurring opinion of that case. I was inviting lots of adolescent, scatological humor, but the topic was a resounding failure. Unlike this never-ending thread.

The subject had a default on the tail lights of his trailer.

Kiele, in Livingston, a default on your trailer usually meant that your house got reposessed.

Unless of course your landlord snuck in while you were at the VFW and took a nap in the master bedroom. Oh yea, that was a different subject. Sorry about the adolescent scatalogy...ology...ogeny.