December 13, 2006, 09:58
P.D. RayAs I walk throught the valley where I harvest my grain,
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain.
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me,
you know I shun fancy things like electricity.
At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milking cows,
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
and I've been milking and plowing so long that
even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone.
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline,
got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin,
but if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine,
then tonight we're going to party like it's 1699.
(Chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
I churn butter once or twice, living in an Amish Paradise,
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish Paradise,
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish Paradise.
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week,
I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek.
I don't really care, in fact I wish him well,
cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell.
I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it,
an Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of.
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat,
and my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears,
we haven't even payed the phone bill in 300 years,
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,
we're just technologically impaired.
there's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury,
like robonson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be,
(chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
we're just plain and simple guys, living in an Amish Paradise,
there's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish Paradise,
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish Paradise
Hitching up the buggy, churning lots of butter,
raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
think you're really rightious?
think you're pure in heart?
well I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art.
I'm the pious guy the little Amletts want to be like
on my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife.
so don't be vain, and don't be whiney,
or else my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney.
(chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish Paradise,
there's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish Paradise,
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish Paradise,
December 13, 2006, 11:37
Scott BrumleyFirst, Phillip, I must say your skills as a lyricist are impressive. Disturbing, but impressive.
Second, the only reason I don't refer you to the Potter County Commissioners Court to answer for your unlicensed hip-hop is that I believe an exception to county regulation of gangsta verse exists when the primary topic concerns dogmatic religious sects and the rhymes do not include the word "bee-ahtch".
No Entry on this Ramp (since A.P. has the real deal copyrighted, or is that coppy writed? ).
December 14, 2006, 11:40
WhitneyThis is not the perfect crime story. Without momma, prison, trains, rain, pickup trucks, or being drunk, it cannot be the perfect crime story. When someone adds the next chapter stating that the men were drunk the day their momma got out of prison before encouraging them to commit the Amish robbery, then it will be much closer to the perfect crime story.
All thanks to D.A.C.