I am sure that everyone here has heard of people having sex with various animals, be they sheep, chickens, or horses (or dead deer on the side of the road). But this guy's case takes the cake.


Ohio man facing charges for having sex with a picnic table

(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.

....

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

Police say Price admitted to the crimes -- four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies.

"What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains.

The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance.

"He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again -- and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids.

....

http://www.fox19.com/Global/story.asp?S=8083860&nav=menu63_2


As an aside, I wonder: does the picnic table have rights? I mean, this guy is accused of committing public indecency, but I don't see anyone rushing to the defense of the table. The question must be asked: Was the table of legal age? Was there foreplay involved? So many questions remain unanswered here. And frankly, I mean, who hasn't eyed a piece of furniture around the house and possibly felt a bit of the horn? Without going into detail, I'll just say that what always stopped me was the jealousy that I knew my grill would feel if I had done this.

[This message was edited by RTC on 03-29-08 at .]

The joke possibilities are limitless. I am going to let someone else start them before I say something I might regret.

That picnic table was asking for it.

I KNOW! Out in public dressed only in place mats!

Skanky place mats!

I considered deleting this email as inappropriate ... but then I decided it would be more fun to watch and see which posters disqualified themselves from holding any future political office by weighing in with their equally inappropriate rejoinders.

Mission accomplished.

Sorry Greg and David. You are now out of luck to hold any elected office. I however can deny the whole thing!

Shannon

How do the above comments disqualify someone from getting elected in California, the District of Columbia, or even Massachusets?

[This message was edited by Bob Cole on 03-31-08 at .]

Don't leave out the "Luv Guvs" in New York and New Jersey!

The incident happened in Bellevue, after all. Those kinds of bizarre behaviors aren't altogether unusual there, you know.

Hey, Shannon's right. Use of irony is an immediate disqualification from elected public service.

quote:

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Originally posted by SAProsecutor:
Sorry Greg and David. You are now out of luck to hold any elected office. I however can deny the whole thing!

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I have no idea what you are talking about...