Thanks for giving me at least one giggle in the midst of a hellacious week, which has been further exacerbated today by a certain officer I deal with on a pretty regular basis who insists on constantly using the misbegotten phrase: "ONE IN THE SAME" (capitalization in original, for no apparent reason).

I'm about to send him back yet another request to revise his current affidavit, which I have to submit to the court as a basis for a ruling, with a correction included saying it's "one and the same" (not that I much care for even the corrected phrase). Any bets as to whether my correction will be duly noted in future letters?

quote:

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Originally posted by E. Foley:
Thanks for giving me at least one giggle in the midst of a hellacious week, which has been further exacerbated today by a certain officer I deal with on a pretty regular basis who insists on constantly using the misbegotten phrase: "ONE IN THE SAME" (capitalization in original, for no apparent reason).

I'm about to send him back yet another request to revise his current affidavit, which I have to submit to the court as a basis for a ruling, with a correction included saying it's "one and the same" (not that I much care for even the corrected phrase). Any bets as to whether my correction will be duly noted in future letters?

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It's all ONE IN THE SAME, EF!

Police report reads that Defendant admitted he gave a false name because he was hoping for just a warning for having an "effective" license plate lamp. I sure hope I never get stopped for having one of those!

I had a defendant's mother tell me that she didn't understand why I wanted to revoke her daughter's probation. "After all, she only picked up a couple of Mr. Meaners."

I resisted the urge to make any prostitution jokes.

From an offense report in a sexual assault case: "Victim stated she was not for sure if defendant wore a condom or not and was not sure she was pregnant, but she was on her minstrel cycle the day of the interview."

narrator: and there was great rejoicing.
minstrels: yea.

I wonder if her minstrel cycle involved singing as a member of "The New Christy Minstrels", a folk-pop group in the 60's. That group featured famous musicians like Kim Carnes and Kenny Rogers.

My parents used to make me listen to them.

From an offense report I'm reading:
"I then asked Hernandez if he would sing a voluntary consent form."

... at which time Hernandez broke into a rousing rendition of "Givin' it Up for Your Love."

A case I reviewed recently revealed that the defendant knew he was too intoxicated to drive, and was pulling in to the gas station to make arraignments for a ride. Don't we love it when they do the work for us?

quote:

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Originally posted by Scott Brumley:
... at which time Hernandez broke into a rousing rendition of "Givin' it Up for Your Love."

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Followed by a rousing encore version of Judas Priest's BREAKING THE LAW, replete with air guitar...

(Or is it reducks?)

Arrested In Stander. (As confession is good for the soul, I only post this because I read it three times trying to figure out where the )&**(&(& Stander was located!)

I have purposely avoided prolonging this old tired thread, but since someone else resurrected it, I couldn't resist adding this one that I just read in an offense report: Defendant had stabbed her sister-in-law with a screwdriver because she was mad at her sister-in-law for yelling at their kids. It said, "The sister-in-law began yelling and using PROFOUND language."

Inmate asserts in his writ that "at the time of his sentencing, he pleged guilty to another offense."

JAS

From an appellate brief (sadly, not pro se):

The denied jury charge "would have given the jury the proper law to use in accessing the defendant's guilt."

From a criminal trespass:

[he] had been band from the premises.

(Doesn't say whether it was a jamaican steel drum, rock and roll, blue grass, marching, etc.)

From a supplement to a recent offense report by a jailer regarding a jail strip search (exactly as written):

I instructed subject to bend over spreading her buttocks with both hands and cough upon subject following given instruction, a pipe which is general use to injust drugs feel from subject vrgina subject stated it was not hers, that the pipe came from the pants, which she stated were not hers.

Quote from report for Possesion of Marijuana <2oz.-- As I approached the window I detected a strong odor of burnt marijuana emancipating from the vehicle. The first time I saw this I thought he had misspelled emanating. However, after the fourth report, I knew better.

deputy's report in former county:

"...victim sitting on the front porch plainly bleeding from where he'd been shot in the butt ox."

"butt ox" is one of the best I have seen in a while.