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Happens at the Lege, too -- about once a day, I hear someone refer to the monetary impact report on a bill as the "physical note".
 
Posts: 2320 | Location: TDCAA | Registered: March 08, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Inmate wrote a letter to the judge asking him to reconsider his sentence and send him to "Safe Pete."
 
Posts: 159 | Location: At the beach, Texas | Registered: June 12, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My old court clerk said that a domestic violence victim called the clerk's office and wanted to know where she could go to fill out "an Act of David."
 
Posts: 508 | Location: austin, tx, usa | Registered: July 02, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Eons ago in McLennan County, I tried a few DWIs against an old attorney who (intentionally) described the HGN test as the Horizontal Gaze Nasturtium test. (As Dave Barry says, I am not making this up!). Happily, I came out of the trials with him smelling like a rose. That attorney, may he rest in peace, is now pushing up daisies. Roll Eyes
 
Posts: 60 | Location: Fort Worth, TX | Registered: November 02, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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How about, "I got off my patrol vehicle....I could smell a strong odor of burnt marijuana admitting from the vehicle." Razz
 
Posts: 105 | Location: Uvalde, Texas | Registered: May 15, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My dad, a now retired former Harris Co. prosecutor in the 60's and a criminal defense attorney thereafter, always referred to the HGN during his trials as "the Hocus Focus Test".
 
Posts: 37 | Location: Richmond, Texas, USA | Registered: July 22, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The next time I conversate on the subject of malaprops and general butchery of the English language, I hope I can remember all of these.
 
Posts: 723 | Location: Fort Worth, TX, USA | Registered: July 30, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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If you talk about this forum, you will be an accomplished witness.
 
Posts: 1022 | Location: Columbus, TX | Registered: June 25, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Xpecially if there is blood splatter.
 
Posts: 616 | Location: Longview, Texas | Registered: October 10, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Not to mention those questions the Court no longer needs to decide because they are "mute".
 
Posts: 515 | Registered: November 14, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I just have to keep this thread going: Then there was the lawyer who urged admission of a document under the "rule of optimum completeness"
 
Posts: 723 | Location: Fort Worth, TX, USA | Registered: July 30, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The one I used to hear a lot . . . "Please don't provoke my probation."

Now that I left probation work to attend law school, I can't understand why law professors are always instructing us on exams to "show urinalysis."
 
Posts: 17 | Location: DFW | Registered: February 14, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My office mate was prepping grand jury cases and ran across this gem:

"Suspect was very unincorporative. . . "

(I guess he hadn't paid his corporate taxes)
 
Posts: 956 | Location: Cherokee County, Rusk, Tx | Registered: July 11, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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In one police report, we had one victim who was beaten with a 4 foot "broad"!
 
Posts: 54 | Location: Lubbock, Texas | Registered: February 27, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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A lawyer recently sent me a letter requesting the return of seized funds because there "is no connexity between the money and drugs." Since the lawyer was from Louisiana, I even checked Black's dictionary on that one, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
 
Posts: 374 | Location: Houston, TX | Registered: July 25, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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From a recent jail-mail letter I recieved from an inmate:
"On 3-27-98 I was convicted in your court for the offense of Intoxicated Manslaughter after a plea of No Context"
 
Posts: 34 | Location: Williamson County, Texas | Registered: April 16, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Okay, here's my contribution... A caseworker recently called and said that a pervert she was dealing with wanted to take a lie detective test. Is that a test given by a perjury investigator????????????
 
Posts: 276 | Location: Liberty County, Texas | Registered: July 23, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The defendant stopped reporting on his probation in part beacause "All she ever did was threaten to revocate me."
 
Posts: 723 | Location: Fort Worth, TX, USA | Registered: July 30, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Running the risk of "perforating a stereo-tight," why do we never get humor like this in the appellate section of the forum?
 
Posts: 11 | Location: Sulphur Springs, TX, USA | Registered: March 20, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The deffered affudification is usually the best compromise when there is no way my speedthermometer was that high.
 
Posts: 3 | Location: Conroe, Texas | Registered: April 24, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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