At what age do you think a child should have a cell phone?

Debating the Age of Consent for That First Cellphone

By ALINA TUGEND
Published: September 30, 2006
Quite a few of our friends were surprised when we decided to give our 10-year-old son, Ben, a cellphone for his fifth-grade graduation. They didn�t see us as �those kind of parents� they told us � meaning, depending on how you looked at it, as parents who bought their children electronic gizmos just because their peers had them, or really cool parents.

We were kind of surprised at ourselves also. Being both somewhat self-righteously adverse to indulging our sons with gadgets (they had to rely on relatives for that), and wanting to teach them the value of money, we assumed he would own his own cellphone about the same time he would get his driver�s license.

However, he started lobbying when he was 9, when a few advanced peers � usually with older siblings � began flaunting them in school. We dismissed it out of hand.

The badgering continued, and we investigated it a little. He was going to be walking back and forth to middle school the following year, as well as to other activities. It might be useful to be able to contact him.

The price was surprisingly low: with our Verizon family plan, it cost an extra $9.99 a month to add him to our wireless plan. The cute blue phone, minus any extras, like unlimited text messaging and camera, was about $40.

The deal was that he would pay the monthly fee out of his allowance; he eagerly agreed.

So, at his elementary-school graduation, he showed it off to all his friends, as proud as if we had given him a Porsche. Our friends looked at us askance. The pleading started from their children.

By the end of the summer, almost all of Ben�s friends had cellphones.

My friend Gabi was one of the last holdouts.

�Our gut instinct was that it seemed unnecessary that an 11-year old boy needed a cellphone,� she said.

Cellphones may be alien to our childhoods, but they seem really foreign to Gabi, who is originally from South Africa; television didn�t even arrive in that country until the 1970�s.

�We want to be careful not to make our child a weirdo by denying him things that are considered the norm, but we also don�t automatically want to give him everything everyone else has,� Gabi said. �That�s the joys of parenthood � learning how to assess these decisions in terms of today�s world, rather than yesterday�s.�

After all, noted Peter N. Stearns, provost of George Mason University and author of �Anxious Parents: A History of Modern Childrearing in America� (New York University Press, 2003): �Not too many decades ago, parents were having the same fuss about landlines. Children were coming home and spending hours on the phone talking to friends and dates.�

Price is always an issue, and cellphones are certainly easy to lose in the disarray of backpacks and lockers. But costs are now pretty reasonable; a family plan, which means you can share up to five phones, is $59.99 a month for service, said Emmy Anderson, a spokeswoman for Sprint.

That does not include buying the phones, which can run from free to a few hundred dollars, depending on all the extras, she added.

But the question of cellphones for preteenagers and teenagers is rarely one of financial cost anymore. It is one of social value.

Like any piece of technology, it is promoted as both a lifesaver and an instrument of the devil, depending on how it is used.

There is, first of all, its use as a security tool.

�I�ve spoken to moms who feel safety-wise it�s a real bonus,� said Adele Faber, author of numerous parenting books, including �How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk� (HarperCollins, 2005) �I want to know where my kids are, and the feedback I�ve gotten is that kids feel safer. As the world has gotten less hospitable to kids roaming around, this is a comfort thing.�

But how far does that go? Most of the major wireless companies have introduced a Global Positioning System technology that allows someone (parents presumably) to track children using cellphones.

There is, for example, the Chaperone Service through Verizon Wireless, Family Locator from Sprint and Wherifone by Wherify Wireless.

Ms. Anderson of Sprint explained that for an extra $9.99 a month, parents can use their cellphone or a Web site, and, with a password, log on a map that pinpoints where their child�s cellphone is.

The child then receives a text message that says someone has tracked him.

�This is not a service for keeping tabs on children without them knowing it,� Ms. Anderson said, adding that precautions have been taken so that the technology won�t be used by stalkers.

Sprint was the first to offer the service, in April.

Of course, for the system to work, the phone has to be on and in the child�s possession.

Verizon has two options: $9.99 for a G.P.S. service similar to Sprint�s, and $19.99 for Chaperone With Child Zone, which informs you by text message every time your child moves outside a set geographic area, like school, home or the soccer field.

The Verizon service works with its Migo phone, which is designed for children ages 6 to 11.

Now, never say never, but this seems a little creepy to me. Maybe, as Ms. Faber said, it is a useful tool if a teenager has shown a really bad track record, but �it�s certainly such a violation of their need to grow and become independent of you; we�re already right on top of them now.�

Professor Stearns agreed.

�It sends a really bad signal about a lack of confidence, and I think a healthy kid will try to evade it,� he said. �It is also a terrible use of adult time. And if your parents track you, will you grow up with your own sense of personal freedom or anyone else�s?�

While my friends and I may look at cellphones for our children from the mountaintop view of parental angst, for teenagers and even some preteenagers, we might as well be debating whether they should breathe.

�It has become part of the communication pattern,� Dr. Stearns said. �Is it an enhancement to sociability or a sign of loneliness?� The answer, he said, is that it can be both.

The trouble arises when the cellphone becomes a weapon, which is a reason some school districts, including New York City�s, have banned them since 1989.

�They�re used for drug dealings, to start fights, for illicit photos, cheating on tests,� said Keith Kalb, a spokesman for the New York City Department of Education. �You have to have a universal ban.�

If phones are found, they are confiscated.

Mr. Kalb said students get on their phones and call friends at other schools to get backup for a fight.

�They couldn�t do that if they didn�t have cellphones,� he said.

The ban is unpopular with numerous parents, who worry about their children traveling long distances without being able to reach them.

Other school districts do not prohibit cellphones, but do not allow them to be on during school hours. So guess what? Some students have figured out a way to receive calls that adults can�t hear.

It turns out that younger ears, under the age of about 30, can hear tones older ones can not. Sort of like dogs.

A Welsh security company marketed a buzzer called the Mosquito to help shopkeepers annoy young people and stop them loitering in front of their stores.

But some clever youngster realized that that liability could be an asset and used the sound as a ring tone that could be heard only by his peers. It is now being marketed as the Mosquitotone.

All I know is that it is going to be awfully hard to stay one step ahead on this whole cellphone thing. As my friend Elise pointed out, her college-age daughter received her first cellphone when she was 16. She just gave one to her son, who is 10 years old.

I�m holding fast. Our younger son, Gabriel, turns 8 in November. He is not getting a cellphone. He can borrow his brother�s.

I think it is a very good idea, particularly the child cell phones that have icons for mom, dad, police and another important number.

It is a different world that we live in than we grew up in. Pedophiles are more dangerous. School shootings. And there is just too much other scary stuff out there.

If the child is on a group school outing or at the movies with a friend's family, and something occurs, it's just nice to think they can call you immediately for the rescue.

We finally relented on our 15 year old because the way my parents ensured I got hold of them no longer exists. When was the last time you tried to find a pay phone in a safe place?

My folks used to make sure I had a dime (hence the term dropping a dime on someone) but later a quarter and I could find a safe pay phone nearly anywhere to call. They are hard to find these days.

Of course back then, as a 9 to 11 year old by, it was safe to deliver 102 papers from my bike and collect every month door to door. There is no way I'd allow my kids to do that today.

My 10 year old takes a city bus across town to get home from junior high...he's got a phone with limited abilities and minutes for emergencies. Seemed reasonable.

My family had an early cell phone (back when they were big enough to take up your whole backpack!), and my parents had me take it with me when I went on away basketball games in high school. I could call for a ride when we were on our way back, and they liked me having access in case of emergencies.

My fifteen-year-old nephew has one now, but his eleven-year-old sister does not. I'm sure it's only a matter of time, though! I agree that now that pay phones are much more difficult to find, cell phones can be an important safety feature. I like the ones advertised that let parents allocate time like an allowance, and others that restrict the numbers you can call.

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Originally posted by rob kepple:
My 10 year old takes a city bus across town to get home from junior high...he's got a phone with limited abilities and minutes for emergencies. Seemed reasonable.

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That's what I'm talking about!

And I must have gotten old Rob! I can't believe you have a child ten years old.

I got my daughter one for Christmas of 6th grade. She is now in 8th. I think I depend on it more than she does. I get really agitated when I can't reach her or she leaves it at home. I leave text messages during school to let her know about changes in after school plans. She calls (or sends me a text when I'm in Court) when soccer/Band/cheer-leading/volleyball/etc practice is over/running long/cancelled. The GPS locator is always activated and I have told her that if anything ever happens to her, hide her phone on her and keep it on.

I'm seriously considering getting one of the Amigo/Firefly for my 3rd grader. My only reservation is her propensity at this age to lose things.

It is a different world and these are great tools for keeping up with kids. I don't consider them a status symbol although I realize my kids do. They are like anything else, you have to teach them how to use the tools and not abuse them.

I don't know what upsets me more: the fact that my 12 year old niece has a cell phone or the fact that I can't hear the mosquito ringtone.

Stephanie

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Originally posted by B Cole:

Of course back then, as a 9 to 11 year old boy, it was safe to deliver 102 papers from my bike and collect every month door to door. There is no way I'd allow my kids to do that today.

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Why? All the statistics I see show that crime is at it's lowest since the mid-1960s. (That doesn't hold true for internet-related crimes, but that is irrelevant to this discussion of cell phones for kids.) Politically, "crime" in general ranks so low on the list of voter concerns that most pollsters do not even include it in lists of important issues to ask voters about.

No, the real difference isn't more crime -- it's more crime news. For example: Back in the day, it used to be that 3 girls in Minnesota would be kidnapped, raped, and murdered, but Texans would never hear about it. Now that only happens to 1 girl, but if she's cute enough, or blond enough, or it's a slow news day, then we hear about it ad nauseum for weeks on end, until viewer fatigue settles in and the news industry has to go find another topic to shock or tittilate the viewing public.

During this recent campaign season, we've seen state officials proposing laws based on crimes committed against child victims thousands of miles from here, in other states that are subject to different laws and practices. And why does that work for them? Because the 24/7 news industry brings those cases right into our living rooms, and not an evening goes by that you can't find some crime drama or movie involving some fictional child victim.

A few years ago, we moved into a very nice, very quiet neighborhood in Austin. Crime is so low around me that it borders on boring. Even a check of the DPS sex offender database shows only one registrant within several miles of the local elementary school, and he's in his 80s.

So ... can you guess what percentage of students at that elementary school walk or ride their bikes to school? About 10%, judging from my observations and those of other parents whose kids go there. And anecdotally, the #2 reason for that is "fear of crime/abduction" (#1 being reduced bus service, of course).

All of this is totally irrational.

I know, I know: "It's all irrational until it's YOUR kid that gets nabbed ...." But that's true of any and every misfortune in life. The reality is, the media has people scared silly (literally, in this case). And we lap it up as fast as they can feed it to us.

I miss having a local neighbor kid deliver the morning newspaper, like my friends and I used to do. I miss seeing kids playing sports without adult supervision, like we used to do. I miss seeing kids riding their bikes to school, like we used to do. I miss the sense of community, the sense of "neighborhood," that we used to have. (And I grew up in white-bread suburban North Dallas, which ain't exactly Mayberry).

Am I crazy for missing that? Am I alone? Or is this just an urban phenomenon? Do I need to move out to BFE to find the freedom of my youth for my son to enjoy when he's old enough?


[sigh]

i agree with everything you said and i would add everything you said again with only one change, substitute the word crime with Terrell Owens.

i also think that Terrell Owens should not be allowed to have a cell phone. he's got enough money, he can pay someone to yell his messages for him.

the media has skewed a lot of things and what really stinks about it is it's like fighting a tar baby. critiques of the news and news coverage spin off into meta-news coverage which only serves to prolong a story that should not have even survived one cycle and it ultimately blunts whatever impact the original story deserved. for example, terrorist beheading videos. that spun off into a debate about whether to broadcast the videos instead of how totally awful the actual conduct of the terrorists.

[This message was edited by David Newell on 10-05-06 at .]

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Originally posted by Shannon Edmonds:

Am I crazy for missing that? Am I alone? Or is this just an urban phenomenon? Do I need to move out to BFE to find the freedom of my youth for my son to enjoy when he's old enough?


[sigh]

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As an official resident of BFE, it isn't any better here. We are small enough that the first question I ask my kids when they have a new friend is "Who are their folks?" Cattle theft is a real problem. Wednesday night, everyone is at church. Yet, kids don't walk to school or ride bikes (our new school has NO bike racks in front). Sandlot football/baseball and pick-up games of soccer are unknown. You rarely see groups of kids hanging out at a vacant lot or playing in the front yards. Crime is down but fear for our kids has taken it grip, even in BFE.

Maybe I'm the only person reading these posts who doesn't know this, but where is BFE? I can't find it on the TX-DOT map.

Bum *^*^& Egypt. Just north of East Jesus.

Shannon, come to Weimar or Columbus; I can assure you that life has not changed. I can probably get you a paper route, but don't expect many folks to subscribe to The Onion.

You beat me to the punch, Shannon. Pedophiles and their ilk have been around for a long, long time. But now the national news and sex-offender databases have us all jumping at shadows.

I would blame another couple of factors, though, for why things are somewhat different. I think conveniences (or curses?) like air conditioning and the television have made it so that few of us know our neighbors very well at all. We isolate ourselves in our houses and rarely interact. So the sense of security you might have felt thirty years ago, when your kids were playing in a vacant lot or a creekbed down the block, is not there anymore. Back then you could rely on the neighborood to keep you posted on what your kids were up to, and to some degree to look out for them on your behalf. But now we are all hidden away in our homes and barely know the people right next door to us.

Just my thoughts. But I still hate the idea that kids must have cell phones to be safe.

I think David is right. I was a public prosecutor in Zimbabwe for 2 years, where the phones were run by the post office. They didn't work most of the time. A call 70 miles away was "long distance" which meant you had to book a call with the operator, who would call you back 2 to 4 hours later, to announce you can use the phone now.

Most of the non-Africans had phones in their houses, but they worked so sporadically that most people didn't bother. Consequently, if you wanted to talk to someone, you just got in your car, and drove to your friend's house. People were always dropping by. It was an extremely friendly, pleasant atmosphere.

There were only 3 radio stations, and 1 tv station, which showed 6th grade health and science films, a few American tv shows I never heard of, and one brilliant Brit show called "Yes, Minister!" and "news" shows that featured one hour speeches by Comrade Mugabe talking to workers in Gombe--it could get pretty dry.

But I was never bored, and never lonely. People amused themselves by having B-B-Q & beer parties (known as braais and "piss-ups"), going to the movies, and visiting.

This was right after the Rhodesian War, and the country was still very unsettled, especially out in the bush. I met a man who was killed by the terrs about 3 weeks later. A bomb went off down the street from where I roomed. My bud and I hitched thru a remote highway a few days before some terrs set up a roadblock and tried to stop a South African from going by. And yet, I never felt I was in any real danger. Nor did anyone else.

America is an extremely safe place. We should take advantage of this, and quit worrying so much. And as for cell phones: I think children should spend their time talking with each other, rather than chatting on a cell phone, or text messaging nonsense to each other. Yeah, one in a million may be saved by a cell phone (altho I've never heard of this happening) but life can really be enriched by getting by with less.