Member
| From the Travis County Tattle Tale
(UPI) Sparks fly at local patrolman's house
Sheriff's deputies were called to the home of reserve Deputy Constable Earl Wayne (Bubba) Lobslotter late last night after neighbors reported what sounded like a gang fight or possible terrorist attack in the residence. It seems that Bubba came home from day five of intoxylizer school over at the DPS academy, arriving around 3 a.m. Mrs. Lobslotter, who had fallen asleep in the recliner while waiting for Earl Wayne, was awakened by the creaking of the screen door and she immediately confronted the hapless reserve deputy constable. He assured his wife that he had certainly been in training, and that on Day Five as they call it in the business, he was required to drink himself into an 8 or better on the instrument (also a business term, according to DPS sources). Mrs. Lobslotter knew that it does actually take several hours for Earl to reach 8 or better, especially in light of his high tolerance level, a direct result of 13 years working as a brakeman on the Missouri Pacific (that lawsuit is still pending at press time) and she almost fell for it. But, when Earl Wayne went to the refrigerator to see if the leftovers were still left over, the light in the appliance illuminated some bright red smudges on his collar, neck, Adam's Apple and the third button of his new Oxford.
Mrs. Lobslotter, as she mixed Earl's Metamucil, caught a glimpse of the smudges and immediately went into action. Screaming profanities along with some ugly words, and shouting about recognizing the Estee Lauder lipstick shades, Mrs. Lobslotter slammed the refrigerator door on Earl's arm, then blocked the door shut with a couple of cases of Pearl Light. With her husband pinned in the ice box, the enraged woman grabbed a can of wasp spray and emptied the contents into Earl's face. As she swung a wide overhand arc with her brand new steak knife, preparing to do some out patient surgery on the fellow, Bubba was able to gasp out his defense. He shouted, quickly before the blade made it home, that part of Day Five now included reaching 8 by kissing classmates, that he could even provide a permission letter from Dr. Booker, authorizing Bubba to make out with another trainee who had belted back a few tequilas.
The police arrived just before Earl Wayne was carved into steer-hood. The officers calmed the missus down, let her breathe into a paper sack for a few minutes, then allowed Earl to show his wife the permission letter. That seemed to settle things down, and Mrs. Lobslotter, after reading the permission letter, apologized to her husband and admitted that as long is it was in the name of law enforcement and for a good cause, that she was willing to make some sacrifices. That made Earl's day it seems, as he was heard happily telling his bride that next week he was going to the Advanced School.
[This message was edited by A.P. Merillat on 08-18-05 at .] |
