Here it is, the solution to all those crowded dockets, and it's been right under our noses the whole time! Just imagine the possibilities ...

USA Today story

Judge orders a game of 'rock, paper, scissors' to settle dispute

Posted 6/9/2006

TAMPA (AP) � A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of "rock, paper, scissors."

The argument was over a location to take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.

In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, he said, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse.

The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.

"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on 'rock, paper, scissors' rules."

Last year, officials of the auction houses Christie's and Sotheby's engaged in the game to decide who would get to sell a $17.8 million collection of art offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie's won.

I just caught this line:

"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on 'rock, paper, scissors' rules."

Rules? Only a lawyer would worry about the rules of rock, papper, scissors.

Shannon, shame on you for not knowing there are rules. For details, go to the RPS Society web site at this location.

I really don't want to know how you mange to find websites like this AND how you manage the time to search for them.

Remind me to never play trivial pursuits with you.

Hand-to-hand combat rocks

The game: Paper, rock, scissors; the prize: Texas-Ohio St. tickets.

By Patrick George
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Sunday, August 27, 2006

Speed. Cunning. Reflexes.

Few athletic endeavors challenge all of these skills the way Rock, Paper, Scissors can, and hundreds of the sport's aficionados came to Round Rock on Saturday evening for a chance at fame � and two hard-to-come-by Texas vs. Ohio State football tickets.

"I'm here just for fun," said 11-year-old Andrew Meserole. "But if I win, I'll take my dad."

Sanctioned by the World RPS Society, the sport's self-proclaimed governing body, the Round Rock tournament had players squaring off in a best-of- nine format � palms sweating in the triple-digit heat of the Pluckers Wing Bar's parking lot.

Finishing near the top had one advantage. The third- and fourth-place winners got to play Pluckers co-owner Dave Paul for the chance to settle their bar tabs. But with Texas-Ohio tickets selling for $2,200 on some Internet sites, first prize brought out the killer instinct in Hoang Lu, a UT graduate who planned to throw a little fear into his opponents.

Many others came for the thrill of the contest. Joe Simpson of Austin, a card-carrying World RPS player, said he would sell his tickets and watch the game on a brand-new TV.

"It's all about the trophy and the spirit of the sport," he said.

The fast-paced game of hand motions � rock crushes scissors; scissors cut paper; paper covers rock � apparently brought something else out in Simpson.

"It's more about psychology than strategy," he said. "You have to take timeouts, tie your shoes and point out food in their teeth. It's all about wearing them down and bring your own aggressiveness out."

Alas for Simpson, the winner was Ray Buencello of Austin, who grabbed his tickets after throwing down the winning symbol � paper.

You win some sort of award for finding this JB. Exactly what type of award should be settled by RPS in South Padre.

And now, the recipient of the "I Have Too Much Time on My Hands" award .....