It has come to my attention that John Bradley has not started a thread on this board for several days and has only posted once in response since Shannon Edmonds posted new rules regarding attaching the entire text of articles.

Now, I don't want to cause a widespread panic, but has anyone actually seen JB lately? Should we send out a search party to the usual places, i.e. the Apple Store in Austin or any Southwest Airlines ticket counter?

And would someone please search the defense bar websites to see if a ransom note has been posted?

A ransom note presumes an intent to release the hostage once a determined demand is met. Releasing an unfettered JB back into society is a risk that his abductors simply cannot afford to take. While I believe your identification of suspects may have merit, I believe either of two somewhat related scenarios is more plausible:

1. JB is being held immediately next to an alien plant pod that will produce a version of him who will emerge, take JB's place and call a news conference to vociferously attack the death penalty as unfounded and counsel DWI suspects with the old mantra, "Don't know? Don't blow."

2. JB is being held by the ACLU and will be released when Stockholm Syndrome has taken hold, a-la Patty Hearst and the Symbionese Liberation Army.

But I'm confident he's not naked. Or nekkid.

He has taken a trip to Los Angeles for the one week intensive "Slash's Lead Guitar School Course" so that he can start his own rival tdcaa band, replete with big hair, spandex, pyrotechnics, and an Ibanez Iceman guitar.

Most interestingly, through the innovative use of the Garage Band Program of his apple computer, he will be the sole member of said band, save for a power point projected image of heralded TDCAA bassist/banjoist AP which is done to lend credibility to his "art".

Or perhaps he is starting his own blog, tentatively called "POSTUM FOR BREAKFAST".

If you don't know what Postum was, it was a nasty "roasted grain beverage" for folks who didn't like coffee. Sales were so poor that it was discontinued last year. A rare few of my rural East Texas ancestors, however, did think there was merit to this product.

Now let's turn to page 42 of a perfect plea, and repeat after me...

[This message was edited by Greg Gilleland on 02-22-08 at .]

Let's just say that I was in a place that had me distracted for a couple of days. Anyone want to guess the city?

I suspect you were at the annual ACLU nude hugfest and herb-smoke in Nawlins, Louisiana.

Darn, I was wrong I see. That event doesn't happen for another month or two.

Ok, I'm stumped. Google shows multiple entries for what I was thinking of in NO. Is there more than one?

Now Greg, you've broken you pledge after only a week?

I had to break my code of silence for an opportunity as important as this. Did you google Postum for Breakfast yet?

Jazz Fest is a mighty good guess, but waaaay too obvious. As any attender of that event knows, it occurs on the last weekend of April and the first weekend of May without fail.

OK, we can finally tell that JB went to the Winnipeg Scottish Festival where he (sadly) failed to place in the Solo Piping Contest. He blamed it on a Canadian cold front and a kilt. However, do not despair, because he and AP will be heading up to compete in the Minnesota Bluegrass & Old Time Music Festival competition next week.

Truth be told, insiders spotted him standing in line for the opening night tickets to Cher's debut in Vegas.

[This message was edited by Dan Bradley on 02-22-08 at .]

Bette Midler was opening. Cher was in the audience.

I thought what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas?

Besides, Vegas is only roughly 200 miles from L.A., and I know JB has been wanting to put The Perfect Plea to music for the next edition. I'm still thinking secret guitar lessons in LA, what about you, Mr. B?

Any evidence of hair extensions, Dan?

Judging from the torrent of posts from JB in the last 24 hours, it sounds like he is back home safe and sound. He may have lost his shirt in Vegas, but I'm sure they wouldn't have let him cross the county line if he lost anything more than that.

Actually, I didn't gamble anything. My son, on the other hand, is now of the opinion that one more trip and he could pay for his college education.