Way to go Greg, now you've awoken the sleeping giant, the original JB. We'll probably be seeing that picture on bumper stickers throughout Williamson County.

Sorry, AP, I was trying to find some pictures to help support you, but all I found was Banjo Players Anonymous and Banjo: A Vicious Habit (described as "An Illustrated Moral Tale of Uplifting Content Written for the Edification of Our Young People", how can you beat that?). I think the cards are stacked against you.

Although I've learned the error of my ways. The last time I made a banjo joke on the forums, I had random defense attorneys talking to me about it. For shame.

Banjo: a Vicious Habit

An Illustrated Moral Tale of Uplifting Content
Written for the Edification of Our Young People

As a matter of course, Mothers of Good Family warn their daughters about Banjo Players, Rock Musicians, Programmers and other such low-life Rounders that might take advantage of their tender young Womanhood. Sadly, the romantic appeal of the Banjo Player will slip into their tender young psyches and thus, they are ruined for life.

Fast Cars and Fast Women occupy his thoughts and days, and he develops Bad Habits and associates with Bad Company. He has too much fun.

The unsuspecting young Woman thinks she can Change His Evil Ways, but the Call of the Banjo is too great even for True Love. Ah, Beware!

His time with his family grows less and less, as he plays more and more Banjo tunes, becomes fascinated with Earl Scruggs, Doug Dillard and Bela Fleck, and sighs over the few Female Banjo Players (and what a depraved breed they are!).

His children are reduced to selling matches on the Street, clad only in rags. They are mocked by others and icicles form upon their noses. Oh, the Horror of it all!

He locks himself in the bathroom to read the latest catalogs from Gruhn and the Mandolin Brothers. His wrist becomes very strong.

There is No Cure. Even Banjos Anonymous cannot help this one, for he is too far gone in his Depravity.

He hangs about bar rooms and coffee houses with other depraved types like fiddlers, guitarists and mandolin players and tends to eat toothpicks.

He criticizes Pete Seeger and he visits Music Stores in strange places.

He learns to play the old Clawhammer style and affects Hats from the 1940's. He begins to play Old Time Music.

He reads Cherry Poptart comic books, "Tiajuana Bibles," sings Depraved Songs about Murders and Desperate Escapades, and reads "Banjo Newsletter."

Evangelists devote Tracts to him.

Ultimately, the Addiction will run it's course, and the banjo player will Pass On to whatever reward is waiting for him on the Other Side.







Take warning from our Moral Tale, and be cautioned against the Banjo Addiction!

quote:

---

Originally posted by AndreaW:
Although I've learned the error of my ways. The last time I made a banjo joke on the forums, I had random defense attorneys talking to me about it. For shame.

---

So were the defense attorneys random or just their comments? Randomness is sortof an occupational hazard for some defense attorneys.

A little bit of both, Greg.

And just for the heck of it, courtesy of Banjo Players Anonymous:

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? You normally take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? No one cries when you cut a banjo.

How do you stop a banjo player from playing?

No, seriously. That's not a riddle.

Thanks, Greg.

I feel a lot of love in this chat room; just like when I bring the scraps out to the dog pen.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wes:
How do you stop a banjo player from playing?

---

Perhaps Dr. Neaubahnjeaux could help...

http://doodoowah.com/BanjoPlayersAnon.htm

You're stealing all my sites, Greg!

This poll is rigged as it fails to add the option of "soundtrack for any car chase in the South! Particularly on dirt roads!"

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scott Holden:
This poll is rigged as it fails to add the option of "soundtrack for any car chase in the South! Particularly on dirt roads!"

---

True that, but you can still vote for the noodling option or the family tree option, which incorporate your suggestion.

quote:

---

This poll is rigged as it fails to add the option of "soundtrack for any car chase in the South! Particularly on dirt roads!"

---

That was done because the car chases involved family trees and illegal noodling (of some kind). At least that's the word on the street.

You said it far better than I, Gordon.

Lest we all get too smug, even a bald mouth breather like me can play a guitar. Badly. And anyone like me who received their law degree after sending in a properly completed application form, along with five proofs of purchase from Froot Loops boxes, can use a computer or Crackberry keyboard, with their arrays of options, to be pithy. But if all you have is five clangy strings, and you make them talk, make them sing, well, ladies and gentlemen, that's just the cream rising to the top ... of something.

I think the banjo best serves as the transcendental background melody for an episode of Jail Mail Theater. In the absence of that option, however, I chose noodling, since there may be alarming similarities between the two.

Scott,if the the folks saw and heard you belting out "Makes Me Wanna Shout" like you did in rehearsal the other day, there'd be a movement to get you on a postage stamp. Maybe even before they hit a buck a piece.

If the band is playing at the Annual, will some groupies be tossing panties and hotel room keys at the band when Brumley is strutting his stuff?

I have a hotel plastic key card left over from my trip to Korea if someone wants to throw that at Brumley.

I've had worse than expired key cards thrown at me. And I wasn't even on stage.

I'm told by a harder-edged friend of mine (yes, stop the catcalls ... I actually have a few friends) that he once saw someone in the mosh pit throw a whole ham on stage at a Metallica concert. If that gives anyone ideas, I prefer a whole shrimp (since we'll be in Corpus). Otherwise, I prefer deli shaved.