Just a random thought. What's the best (most memorable/funniest/offensive/other) name that a defendant has ever called you?

I'll go first.

One unimaginative guy called me a "f---in ho b----"

My favorite was when the defendant wrote that he was expecting someone more butch.

I once had a defendant's daughter come up to me and say (with heavy sarcasm): "Thank you for killing my father." It wasn't a life/death case, but the jury convicted him of indecency x2. Don't remember how many years they gave him. He was about 75 years old. Sadly, she didn't give me a chance to say, "You're welcome."

* I qualify that because I am sure they have called me all kinds of things behind my back, after doing this job for about 9 years.

Since I'm in appeals, I don't get the insults to my face. And since they had to manage to put it in writing, I usually get a slightly higher class of insult. My favorite insult wasn't against me, but something I found reading some letters to the judge during the appeal. He called the trial prosecutor "intellectually sterile."

The worst I think anyone's called me is the current guy who keeps filing reply briefs and likes to call me a Nazi a lot.

I think my favorite figurative slap in the face came from an opposing lawyer during a hearing in front of a visiting judge. He referred to me twice (with the favor of an overruled objection to the ad hominem) as a "clueless misdemeanor prosecutor."

It was a "civil" hearing. We lost at trial (vindicating his remark, I suppose). We won on appeal. Making me, I guess, a somewhat more clued-in appellate prosecutor.

A "G__ D____ Thief" following the forfeiture of a vehicle used in a felony theft.

One defendant did refer to me as "The Man". Defense attorneys have been more colorful at times. One of them has since written me a letter of apology, which I have framed in my office.

I was called a "rookie whippersnapper" once on an internet forum after a big oral argument. The commentator was sure I'd lose. (Result: State won 9-0).

"Runt shyster working for filthy lucre"

I get to share that one with my boss.

I remember a guy that I arrested for DWI about 15-20 years ago. He was very cooperative (took the breath test) and extremely friendly. He insisted on calling me by my title and last name, which was Officer Lyons. However, his pronunciation was so classic that I still remember it to this day.

His speech was very slurred and it sounded like "Oscar Loins". I can't remember ever having so much fun processing a drunk as I did with this guy.

Needless to say, that became my new nickname at the PD

The most memorable comment made to me came from a Defendant I tried in the early 90s that broke into a house and brutally raped the woman he found inside. Given the nature of his crime and his history I deemed him worthy of being tried twice. He was first convicted for Aggravated Sexual Assault and got a Life sentence. I tried him a second time two years later on the same facts for Burglary of a Habitation and he got 99 years. The judge in the second trial stacked the sentences. As he was being led away by the Bailiffs after sentencing he looked at me and called out "Like a Hobo from a Shallow Grave I will get you". I check his parole status every year.

[This message was edited by Richard Alpert on 11-05-08 at .]

Oscar Loins, this one's for you.

When I was a baby prosecutor I had a case where my HPD officers were named Orlando and Abbott. During my closing argument I ACCIDENTALLY referred to them as Abbott & Costello. I think that one followed them for a while too.

My apologies if you guys are still out there!

I've become convinced over the years that my middle name is "that blonde b****" or "that f***ing b****", since I've been called it under a defendant's breath as he's walking by, or in jail mail (my personal favorite) more times than I can count.

My most satisfying exchange with a defendant though was when we tried a habitual doper who repeatedly threatened to kill my favorite narcotics officer during the negotiations & actual drug delivery. The jury loved hearing that on tape & gave the D 99y. After the Court was cleared, I approached the visiting Judge to retrieve the judgment & while being led out D started yelling "Are you happy now, you B****?", to which I replied "Yeah, actually I am". He's not my biggest fan.

In a local newspaper editorial, I was once called a "rogue prosecutor." My kids, when I read it to them, thought it sounded kind of cool. Sort of like I was John Wayne or Clint Eastwood as a prosecutor. I didn't correct their misunderstanding.

[This message was edited by JB on 11-05-08 at .]

That's funny, JB!

About to be executed, Charles Nealy called me an evil woman:

http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/nealycharleslast.htm

When I think about this now, I hum a little ELO tune. But at the time, it was not very funny.

quote:

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Originally posted by KSchaefer:
About to be executed, Charles Nealy called me an evil woman:

http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/nealycharleslast.htm

When I think about this now, I hum a little ELO tune. But at the time, it was not very funny.

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You're a true Texas hero, Kim.

We had a defendant and his girlfriend indicted for theft. The prosecutor handling the cases struck a plea deal that required her to testify against him. She wasn't very happy, but it was a sweet deal. Afterward, as she was being escorted from the courthouse, she and the jailer passed our elected's truck, which has a license plate that says, "Hang 'Em" (he had it before he was elected). She asked the jailer whether that belonged to the prosecutor handling her case and the jailer mistakenly told her it did. Her response: "Well it should say d*ckhead."

I tried a young female for possession and felon in possession. She got maxed on both, primarily because of recorded jail phone calls to her male gay friend while she was awaiting trial. After the verdit, the narcotics officers brought me her post trial call to "gay boy" in which she said, "I have got to give that prosecutor his props but he didn't have to be such a b----."

And, all this time, my many other detractors had me convinced that I was a bas----. Go figure?

A defense attorney (now Judge so thank goodness I don't work in that county anymore) called me the wicked b**** of the west.

And then one of my juvi respondents on the stand in a contested dispo hearing to send him to TYC called me a "garden tool" and when asked by his defense counsel what that meant he replied sweetly "you know, a ho". Greg G later sent him to the pen for a murder he committed less than 90 days out of TYC.

not a defendant, but a local defense attorney took to calling me "ice princess"...when it spread to the rest of the local bar he had to come up with a new one..."miss congeniality"

i liked ice princess better