Police say two men armed with a .50 caliber muzzleloading rifle held up an Amish buggy driver and made off with a pipe, tobacco and flashlight.

http://wcbstv.com/topstories/local_story_346134833.html

The robbers were later found rockin' to and fro in several Amish Rockers that they had stolen from another victim in their crime spree.

No word yet as to whether any Stag beer was found in the perpetrators vehicle.

Buggy-jackin' -- I can hear it now, the new gangsta rap sensation soon to take over the music industry. Watch for Pee Diddly, bantering his single syllable lyrics, caressing himself as he sneaks bits of food off the dinner-on-the-grounds table. His entourage contorts themselves into a mass of greasy human pretzels while the community tries to ignore them as they raise the next wall on the barn. Diddly, meanwhile chants the so-called refrain as he picks greens and sourdough from his grilled teeth. The camera focuses on PD's orange Yield marker draped around his neck, lifted from the back of Noah and Naomi's surrey. Pure art. Hope my grandkids don't miss that one.

I hear banjo-playing doodlers are talking up a storm about the sharing of the spoils from the great Amish heist of O6. Nearly the dumbest crooks I have ever heard about!

As I walk throught the valley where I harvest my grain,
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain.
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me,
you know I shun fancy things like electricity.
At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milking cows,
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
and I've been milking and plowing so long that
even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone.
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline,
got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin,
but if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine,
then tonight we're going to party like it's 1699.

(Chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
I churn butter once or twice, living in an Amish Paradise,
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish Paradise,
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish Paradise.


A local boy kicked me in the butt last week,
I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek.
I don't really care, in fact I wish him well,
cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell.
I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it,
an Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of.
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat,
and my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears,
we haven't even payed the phone bill in 300 years,
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,
we're just technologically impaired.

there's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury,
like robonson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be,

(chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
we're just plain and simple guys, living in an Amish Paradise,
there's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish Paradise,
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish Paradise

Hitching up the buggy, churning lots of butter,
raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
think you're really rightious?
think you're pure in heart?
well I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art.
I'm the pious guy the little Amletts want to be like
on my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife.
so don't be vain, and don't be whiney,
or else my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney.

(chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish Paradise,
there's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish Paradise,
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish Paradise,

I understand that the local Amish are planning to do a drive-by on P-Did. You'll know when it takes place: "clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG, clip-clop, clip-clop."

First, Phillip, I must say your skills as a lyricist are impressive. Disturbing, but impressive.

Second, the only reason I don't refer you to the Potter County Commissioners Court to answer for your unlicensed hip-hop is that I believe an exception to county regulation of gangsta verse exists when the primary topic concerns dogmatic religious sects and the rhymes do not include the word "bee-ahtch".

No Entry on this Ramp (since A.P. has the real deal copyrighted, or is that coppy writed? ).

Actually, those lyrics were part of a parody by Weird Al Yankovic of a rap song, Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio.

Purchase the whole album here!

I'd take credit for them, but DN might call me on it.

funny, i never thought of you as white and nerdy.

1. My charming ignorance of Weird Al's body of work;

2. My willingness and propensity to make an ass of myself on this forum ... aw, shoot. It isn't limited to this forum; And

3. The work of CSI - Pennsylvania Dutch Country.

Was there a catfish involved in this crime? Or a banjo? Or momma, prison, the rain or a train?

This is not the perfect crime story. Without momma, prison, trains, rain, pickup trucks, or being drunk, it cannot be the perfect crime story. When someone adds the next chapter stating that the men were drunk the day their momma got out of prison before encouraging them to commit the Amish robbery, then it will be much closer to the perfect crime story.

All thanks to D.A.C.

i love david allen coe . . . and no show jones.

quote:

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Originally posted by David Newell:
i love david allen coe . . . and no show jones.

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Don't we all, David, don't we all...

God Bless America!

I think the thieves should be commended for showing cultural sensitivity.

Using a muzzleoading firearm to rob Amish shows a concern for the Amish dislike for technology. Jacking a buggy with a Tech-9 is wrong.

[This message was edited by L.D. Bloomquist on 12-15-06 at .]