A challenge to A.P., Brumley and the boys at the next TDCAA playathon. Can you put these on your playlist?

Tunes we love to hate

POP MUSIC: Blunt song named worst of the worst

Play any song long enough, and it can get irritating.

PAUL MILLER/ The Associated Press
James Blunt demonstrates a talent for irritating with 'You're Beautiful,' which tops a list of the most terrible songs.
But only certain ditties have that miraculous quality that ranks them among the most irritating songs of all time.
Now we know which ones they are.
A just-released poll, run by onepoll.com, has compiled the most teeth-gnashingly terrible songs ever recorded � at least according to those who voted.
Their No. 1 foe?
James Blunt's "You're Beautiful."
Public enemy No. 2 was "Axel F" (from Beverly Hills Cop), with Hanson's "MMMBop" completing the trifecta of dreck.
It isn't hard to see why "Beautiful" would cause more people to dangle fingers down their throats than any number of other dreadful tunes:
� It's recent, so the wound is fresh.
� It's ubiquitous, so there's no escape.
� It's sung in dead earnest, equivalent to the song sporting its own "Kick me" sign.
Other singles that came to appall the public, according to the poll, include "The Birdie Song" by the Tweets and "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion.
That last monstrosity has all the same elements as Mr. Blunt's song going for it, plus the added appeal of bombast.
Of course, merely appearing on a list of most infuriating songs can't compete with two separate incidents in England a few years ago in which women who endlessly played Whitney Houston's take on "I Will Always Love You" were jailed for the offense. One was charged with "noise pollution."
Those aren't the only times maddening music and the law have collided. Government agencies regularly blast certain songs nonstop when they want to torture people or force them out of hiding, from David Koresh's cult to Manuel Noriega.

Here's a personal top five:
1. "Babe" by Styx
2. "Ebony and Ivory" by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
3. "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly
4. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin
5. "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi, particularly the line "I've seen a million faces and I've rocked them all."
Jim Farber, New York Daily News

I've personally never heard Blunt, and I have no idea what he sounds like, but it doesn't sound like anything I'd like. Ditto with most of the selections on the list, but I do like:

Wanted Dead or Alive

Of course speaking of dead, Macca wouldn't be caught dead with little Mikey these days I suspect, what after Mikey outbid Paul for the Beatles catalog and then sold it to Sony to pay for (a) his defense lawyers, and (b) his way out there lifestyle.

And I'm afraid that attempting to sing "Don't Worry Be Happy" or "Babe" or ANYTHING by R. KELLY would invoke a possibly fatal gag reflex in the band as well as the audience. And we wouldn't want that to happen.

If I had my way, we'd be playing of Steve Earle, The Maines Brothers Band, and Joe Ely selections. I'd sure like to see Newell rappin' the beat to "Cool Rockin' Loretta".

to the extreme i rock the mike like a vandal, light up the stage, i wax a chump like a candle.

[This message was edited by David Newell on 06-27-07 at .]

quote:

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Originally posted by GG:
I've personally never heard Blunt, and I have no idea what he sounds like.

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Here's a little taste of what you're missing:

James Blunt Clip

Just 29 seconds of that is more than enough. LOL.

quote:

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Originally posted by Robert S. DuBoise:

quote:

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Originally posted by GG:
I've personally never heard Blunt, and I have no idea what he sounds like.

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Here's a little taste of what you're missing:

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/mediaplayer.asp?ean=075678375224&disc=1&track=2

Just 29 seconds of that is more than enough. LOL.

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Thanks for the link RD, but I have no desire to even hear James Blunt. I have drumsticks older than Blunt. Hell, I have drums older than Blunt.

I'm with GG on Dead or Alive--I had it on my old road music tapes and its on my ipod now. Maybe its because it wasn't a pop chart tune. Blunt's song, by contrast, is inescapable torture.

I think the titanic love song should have gone down with the ship.

I like the irony of a song about being high in public and spotting a good looking woman is sung by a man named Blunt. That just tickles me.

I guess we'll have to put the kibosh on the Manilow medley. But sappy pablum is nothing new. For those who remember the '70s, I've got four words for you: "Seasons in the Sun." And from the '80s: "That's What Friends are For" .... okay, that's five words, but you get the point. Things that make you go "blecchhh".

But I can't help wondering whether we can get A.P. to do his imitation of JB doing Ely's classic "Fingernails." With GG as the ventiloquist dummy, of course.

goodbye michelle it's hard to die . . .

just reading that song gets me

much like "billy, don't be a hero"

oh, here i go again. i told myself i wasn't going to cry . . .

i'm getting verklempt. quick, someone play "mambo number five" by lou bega.

oh crap, this looks like something rosie o'donnell would write.

[This message was edited by David Newell on 06-27-07 at .]

Skinned your heart and skinned your knees, huh?
Definitely not some of America's best exports to the UK. I recall those, albeit inaccurately, from my English childhood. Along with David Soul and Donny Osmond--very scary stuff.

Maybe Jerry Springer could build on these with a show on how they have traumatized the youth of the world.

JAS

[This message was edited by JAS on 06-27-07 at .]

quote:

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Originally posted by David Newell:
goodbye michelle it's hard to die . . .

just reading that song gets me

much like "billy, don't be a hero"

oh, here i go again. i told myself i wasn't going to cry . . .

i'm getting verklempt. quick, someone play "mambo number five" by lou bega.

oh crap, this looks like something rosie o'donnell would write.

[This message was edited by David Newell on 06-27-07 at .]

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No, Rosie writes a little more cryptic than that, i.e. "i dunt lik it"

How about "The Night Chicago Died"?

[This message was edited by GG on 06-27-07 at .]

Instead of lousy songs, why don't you come up with good songs for them to play.

Here's a few, that I think would be quite appropriate at a prosecutors' convention.

1) Working on a chain gang.

2) The prisoner's song.

3) The Midnight Special

4) Stagger Lee

5) Hang down your head, Tom Dooley.

6) Ballad of Billy The Kid.

7) Folsum Prison Blues.

8) The Prosecutor's Docket Call Song (a/k/a the Theme song from "Rawhide.")

9) Chug-a-lug (exploring the baleful effect of MIP, and Making alcohol avail. to a minor)

10) Mack The Knife.

11) Harlum Nocturn

Gosh, the list of good prosecutors' songs just goes on and on. Let's hear some of those babies in Sept.

We already do Folsom, Terry.

quote:

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Originally posted by GG:
If I had my way, we'd be playing of Steve Earle, The Maines Brothers Band, and Joe Ely selections. I'd sure like to see Newell rappin' the beat to "Cool Rockin' Loretta".

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THE CRAZY LEMON! Come on boys. It's a little hard to find, but puts a smile on the face everytime. "... The first car that stopped had a cherry on top..."

quote:

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Originally posted by Scott Brumley:
But I can't help wondering whether we can get A.P. to do his imitation of JB doing Ely's classic "Fingernails." With GG as the ventiloquist dummy, of course.

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I think I resent that comment! This suggestion is coming from a man whose George Michaels and WHAM! songbook I had to hide during rehearsal. I had to hide it next to Rachel Ray's personally autographed cookbook that AP used to carry with him every where he went.

So you see, it could be worse. We could be doing "Wake me up before you go-go".

"Alone again, naturally" One of the worst songs in the history of music, if I'm forced to almost hear it in a Musac-infused doctor's office or mortuary, I come close to vowing to never play a guitar or other stringed instrument again.

Now, you put on "Uncle Pen" and I get in the music mood real quick.

JB, you can take comfort that our band last year performed "Brandy" by Looking Glass. I must admit it was at my insistance. But hey, even the Red Hots have covered that tune repeatedly in concert, so it can't be all bad!

And JMH, only a true Ely fan would know about the Crazy Lemon! That is certainly the best suggestion yet for a new song addition.

Chorus
They call me the Crazy Lemon
I'm crazy...wild...free, for a while
I can't help what they think
I was born that way.
I'll be a little crazy till my dyin' day.
Just a man on the run they call the Crazy Lemon.It's true that I stole a Budweiser truck.
I changed my mind, but the truck got stuck
In a muddy ditch so I hitched it back again
The second car that passed had a cherry on top.
Just my luck it was first to stop.
They said with a grin, looky here it's the Crazy Lemon.

Chorus


Yeah, I admit that I run a little illegal cargo
From the border and the coast, north to Fargo.
I was busted with a truck load of Juarez violins.
Seems everything that I tried to sell
Just bought me a room in some Iron Hotel.
Things were looking grim for the Crazy Lemon.

Chorus


It's true that I jumped a little bit of bail
From a handful of city and county jails.
Seeking out a spiritual hideout with a friend of mine.
Is easy to hide from a 6 ft. cell.
No use tryin' to hide yourself.
So play another hymn for the Crazy Lemon.

Chorus

And Terry Breen, 9 years ago, when commercial cd recorders first hit the market, my lovely wife got me one for Christmas and I began making song compilations for my commuting enjoyment. One of my first compilations was called "Just Us" and was songs about criminal justice, including:

-Framed- Cheech and Chong
-Life Sentence in Love-Evans John and the H Bombs
-Breaking the Law-Judas Priest
-Pigs in Zen-Jane's Addiction's lament to LAPD
-Lawyers, Guns and Money-Zevon
-Cuban Crime of Passion-Buffett
-HPD-Rocky Hill (bro of ZZ's Dusty and longtime sideman to Lightning Hopkins)
-Perry Mason Theme-Blues Brothers and The Tubes
-Bohemian Rhapsody-Queen
-Theme from Shaft-Issac Hayes
-Superfly-Curtis Mayfield
-The only Hell my mama ever raised-Paycheck
-Lonesome Fugitive-Waylon
-99 to Life-Social Distortion
-Folsom-The man in black

I'd be interested in seeing lists of the favorite criminal justice songs of other forum regulars. And even forum irregulars.

[This message was edited by GG on 06-28-07 at .]

[This message was edited by GG on 06-28-07 at .]

I know, I know. I'm at that point in life when about all that I can look forward to is drooling while I sun on the patio of a rest home, but it seems that so-called singing today is nothing more than organized screaming while searching for the right note (seldom found). With the exception of Linda Ronstadt, there have not really been any decent singers since Doris Day. There, I've gone and revealed my age. The singers of those days, before rock 'n roll and heavy metal, could carry a tune without the necessity of a drummer in the background pounding out some tribal beat or loud instrumentation drowning out any flaws in vocalizing. I guess the progress of "popular music" is just another part of the dumbing-down we're seeing in other facets of our society. Now, go ahead and jump on me.

Well, sir it's like this: Singers of the modern era did for musicians what crooks of all time have done for lawyers. Since Doris and Julie and Perry and Bing have given the reins to Axel and Michael and the like, we musicians have become useful, such as it is, to the industry.

i'm sorry, but maynard james keenan of tool is a pretty good singer

interestingly enough, one of my favorite bands (which no one else will have heard of) "the smoking popes" grew up on perry como records and actually make a point to "croon" over all those post-punk distorted guitars.

and let's not forget amy lee of evanescence.

i would submit that you are actually seeing "rock" bands returning to rock and trying to infuse more singing into their songs. stone sour (the side project of the vocalist for the very scary Slipknot) being one example. stain'd being another possible one. admittedly, these aren't "doris day" singers, but they are also not "ministry" either.

[This message was edited by David Newell on 06-28-07 at .]