This is not THE Criminal Law update, like the one when, after a year of anticipation and plan-making you go to Corpus then get evacuated and miss out on possible door prizes and amazing parting gifts. This is therapy for me, when I confess and update to you, the world, my violations of various statutes and ordinances -- it's a cleansing, if you will, or if you won't. And perhaps my confessions will help some other law-breaker out there to make things right.
I said "Merry Christmas" to the Wal Mart greeter in Uvalde, Texas on my way to hunt deer last weekend. I think she understood me; I spoke on the hearing aid side of her permed, Clairol-blue hair. And I said those words intentionally and knowingly. Not only that, but I was trying to make her say it back, to see if she'd get in trouble, so I could say it again to the CSM (Wal Mart for Customer Service Manager, the head kahuna, only called-out when a customer is about to do something crazy) and see if he or she would say it back too.
Then, I asked the CD department lady if she had any Christmas CDs with Christmas music on them, sold primarily during the Christmas season. And, yes, I confess, I went to the lawn & garden area and asked if those green things were Christmas trees, and if they could be used at Christmas time, maybe even being a good place to put Christmas presents under on Christmas morning.
About the 40th time I said the Wal Mart prohibited word, I noticed a fellow following me around, a guy with a fake casual, fake shopper-looking countenance, wearing fake shopper clothing and pushing a fake basket. Well, the basket was real or real close to real, but I'm sure the Dentucreme, extension light bulb twister-outer and Lady Schick razors weren't really his items. Just to check him out, I walked over to the hardware section and asked for some Christmas lights to decorate for Christmas (and leave up for the 4th of July). Sure enough, that fake-shopper appeared at Hardware all of a sudden, like he just materialized from nowhere. I didn't even see him coming, and he had a pair of pink leotards in his basket. I don't know, maybe he was a real shopper, I guess folks who buy Dentucreme and Lady Shicks could use leotards too.
But, just before I got real offensive and criminal and asked that they make an announcement over the loudspeaker for "Wal Mart customer Precious Christmas, your party is waiting in the hair salon," the prosecutor I was with whispered that if I didn't knock it off he would leave me in Uvalde and tell the boss I'd been kidnapped. Well, I didn't want to end up like that girl in Georgia who ran off to New Mexico, the home of Las Cruces, where they're about to lose their town's logo because it's illegal, so I left quietly.
I also confess that the next time I'm in California, (by the way, if I am there, somebody please look into the possibility that I really was kidnapped), I plan on saying "Under God" out loud. I might even go the Los Angeles (wonder what that means, and whether "angeles"-es are baseball players or the city namers had something else in mind) Wal Mart and say "Merry Christmas, under God" and see if somebody in Sporting Goods comes at me with a pellet gun or something less dangerous to the environment.
There you have it, guilty.
[This message was edited by A.P. Merillat on 11-21-05 at .]
Well, A.P., I would invite you to come on over to our annual county Christmas party but it won't be a Christmas party this year. It's now the "Annual County Employee Awards Dinner!"
Lee, please let me be one of the first ones to wish you and the County a very, very merry Annual County Employee Awards Dinner day. I'll go to the half-price cards store and see if I can find an ACEAD Day card to send you, Bill, John and Bryan, but our store doesn't have many of the exotic cards, just your typical birthday, anniversary, Ma Kettle Day, Earl Scruggs Day and such.
Have you gotten to send a letter to ACEAD Claus yet and tell him/her that you've been good this year and not pled too many cases for too few years and not padded your expense form? Better hurry before the rush, you know how the post office is this time of year.
You have to break this one down for me, A.P. Did wal-mart forbid use of the c word, you know, Christmas, by employees?
I'm happy to report that in Bastrop, folks all over town seem to be talking about the anticipation of the little ones for Christmas. Must not be forbidden here.
Posts: 2578 | Location: The Great State of Texas | Registered: December 26, 2001
Greg, I learned of this while flicking back and forth between 30 Minute Meals and the news the other day. If you Google "Christmas banned from Wal Mart", you can get most of the scoop. Oops, sorry, I used the C word again. Man, I thought I had lucked out and found Lee a card, but it turned out it was only an Annual County Employee Spring Garage Sale, Tattooing and Body Piercing Day card. Shucks.
A.P., I will have to talk with the store manager, who happens to be my neighbor. We need to get this straightened out immediately. Sounds like the LPO (that's Loss Prevention Officer) was using SPO (that's Standard Operating Procedure). BTW any luck on the hunt?
Hey John, Ask your neighbor why SPO is Standard Operating Procedure, seems like the words are rearranged wrong-ly. Is that a Wal Mart code or something? Also, ask him if that guy with the leotards was an LPO, then ask him if they discussed my bad behavior at the next employee briefing, and talked about how to deal with people like me.
The hunt went as expected, I scratched my initials and the notes for this post on the wall of the deer stand. I played with the bolt action on the rifle and thought about Rachael Ray and whether her getting married to that rock star will change the way she cooks.
