Austin based Whole Foods introduces "Animal Compassionate" meats
10/26/2006



Whole foods approached this issue by spending the past three years looking at the treatment of several animals in order to develop these higher standards.

Amy Schaefer, with Whole Foods says this line of meat will include cattle which were raised with room to roam instead of being confined to crowded feedlots. The chickens were not raised in tiny cages or had their beaks cut off which are common practices on commercial farms.

Nor are the eggs deprived of the nurturing and self esteem-building so often lacking at large-scale poultry operations. "We like to think of ourselves as just a bit more civilized than those goons in other parts of the state where they eat four and a half pounds of the flesh of our innocent bovine friends in one barbaric sitting," said Ms. Schaefer.

I liked the part in the article where they said they only chase and gather chickens at dusk or dimming light so as not to cause them undue stress, before they kill them.

I'm all for healthier foods, but I wonder what the price difference is.

I'm reminded of an old National Lampoon Radio Hour skit, back when I was in 8th grade, where the fake commercial went: "Hi. My name is Fred Purdue, and people are always asking me Fred, how do you make such fine chickens? Heck I tell them, it's easy, first you turn the lights down low, then you put on a little Johnny Mathis..."

Whole Foods standards for pork have me hog riled

Friday, October 27, 2006
If the Whole Foods Market feels so strongly about the way animals are treated before they're whacked for deli case purposes, they ought to just quit selling meat.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not turning into a veghead. Like I always say, for a really good time, call Double-Meat Patty.

It's just that I think that the organic megastore's new program to set "animal compassionate" standards for the treatment of critters before they are slaughtered for the meat case might lull these animals into a false sense of security.

One minute some kindly organic farmer is making sure a pig has plenty of room to roam, a dry place to sleep and clean water.

And the next minute, the pig is the B in BLT. The poor pig, being coddled, figures some dude is about to let him up on his lap to watch Animal Planet and � zzzzzzzt � suddenly he's the lunch special. Now that's cruelty to animals. The other pigs get wind of this sneaky business and suddenly they have to go in for pig counseling.

Still, here comes the Whole Foods Market launching a campaign that will require the store's meat suppliers to treat the animals headed for the dinner table humanely before they're chopped up for bun makings.

This could lead to some new and interesting labeling at the Whole Foods Market. Instead of your standard free-range chicken, you've got the organically hand-wrung chicken, which I suppose tastes more natural than your machine-ground chicken. Instead of the gaffed grouper, there's your gently-hooked trout. Sure, the fish is still dead, but it makes the green customer feel so much better about himself.

Check out these rules Whole Foods has established for the treatment of chickens. Under this new program, there will be no excessive chasing of chickens allowed when you're trying to catch them. Also, you're supposed to catch the chicken calmly in subdued lighting to reduce stress.

Subdued lighting? How about some aroma therapy and a Xanax for these freakin' birds?

Can't chase a chicken to catch it, huh? I think a lot of chickens are going to get away. Have you ever tried whistling at a chicken to get it to come in the house?

I think Whole Foods has gone overboard here. I really do. The store put together a 16-page document on pig treatment standards. That's six pages longer than the Magna Carta, for gosh sakes.

Listen to some of these pig rules. There has to be a rodent control program, and any rodents captured have to be killed humanely. I wonder if they ask the rat if he has any last words. "Pigs must be introduced into a social group in a manner that minimizes aggressive encounters." I guess this means pigs aren't allowed to attend staff meetings. Shade must be provided for the pigs.

Yeah, well, how about sunblock protection, pig Pilates and acupuncture for pigs who are trying to quit smoking?

So Whole Foods, put your money where your mouth is and turn the meat shelf space into a petting zoo. You're not fooling anybody.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com

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There has to be a rodent control program, and any rodents captured have to be killed humanely. I wonder if they ask the rat if he has any last words.

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Here come the 1983 actions for cruel exterminations.

Since lethal injection is currently so cruel and unusual, would incorporating some of these into the process pacify some of the critics?

Heck, you can use the current drugs, but come on and give me a break. It's just too damn bright in that room. Dim the lights a little and let 'er drip.