Excerpt from cross of the probationer at the probation revocation hearing of a poor, misunderstood soul with an extremely injury-prone wife (who, among other things, forced him to kick her hard enough to break her leg):

Prosecutor: You're saying she caused her own black eye and her own broken leg to herself?

Probationer: Yes. She caused a broken leg definitely by herself, yes. Well, with the help of my leg, of course, but. She did. You know, she's violent. She's got violent mood swings.

Elizabeth Foley
Asst. Crim. D.A.
Galveston County

Don't just share that gem with your fellow prosecutors! How about submitting it for inclusion in the Buchmeyer column in the Texas Bar Journal.

Janette Ansolabehere

Have heard of putting foot in mouth, but have to be pretty limber to kick yourself in the eye. But I guess if your leg breaks while trying, it is possible.

When I was prosecuting in El Paso, I was involved in an Aggravated Assault trial. The guy would not plea, he stabbed her a few times with a screwdriver in the arm. As expected in domestic violence situations, the woman got up and testified that he did not stab her after all, they were having an argument in the car, and she slammed her arm down on the gear shift, which was minus a knob, and that caused her injuries.

Guy gets up and testifies. It was priceless. He didn't touch her, they were just arguing. They were arguing because she didn't know how to be a "woman" and he was having to teach her how. He was adamant about that.

When the jury came back, the jury looked directly at the defendant, some smiled. One juror took his seat, propped his legs out, leaned back on his folded hands behind his head and smiled directly at the defendant.

The verdict was guilty. Never had a juror before that, or since, that smiled when the guilty verdict was read.