CYBER BULLIES WORRY COPS
Cyber bullies cause as much concern among law enforcement agencies as sexual predators, an Internet-safety advocate told parents at Collierville High Thursday night.

The reason: the sheer volume of intimidating incidents, said John Simi, information specialist for Shelby County Schools.

Fifty-two percent of students surveyed by the i-SAFE America foundation say they've said hurtful or angry things to others over the Internet, and 42 percent acknowledge they've been bullied.

I can't hold it in any longer. I said something hurtful over the Internet to a very fine prosecutor in Bastrop County. But in mitigation, I would like the court to know that in that communique, I was really talking about a guitar playing prosecutor from Amarillo, and I was only kidding when I said his second cousin's hairdresser wore combat boots.

Forgive me.

Perhaps we're overlooking the real victim in the spate of Internet tongue-lashings best known to the skulkers of this website: the venerable American banjo. And, yes, my family and its service providers do wear combat boots. But we get them at the Army/Navy Surplus store, instead of paying $100-plus for a little "Dr. Maartens" logo on the side. Was that -- itself -- Intenet bullying? (Look! I used dashes/hyphens to cover my own grammatical ignorance and/or laziness! Note that "and/or" also represents compositional sloth. This website is so educational!)

As for the offense level, will it be determined by how badly the victim's feelings are hurt? E.g., emotional unease = class C; offended = class A; "you cut me deep" = F2?

The level of anguish is directly proportional to the number of hyphens used in order to mask otherwise grammatically and punctuationally challenged i-slanders. You, you...you big - lug.

As area representative of BALL (Big American Lug League) I would like to file a charge of cyber bullying on AP. Once more, as is common for mister A, he makes and attempt at humor and the result is injured feelings.

As I also act as the representative of BACH (Battle Apparel Clad Hairdressers)I have often been the victim of AP�s careless use of comedy.

Stop the violence.