We just filed a case on a 66-year-old man who was caught semi-naked in his neighbor's house when she returned home for something she forgot. In his statement, he admitted that he had been going to her house for two years, two and three times a week, through an unlocked door. His MO was to locate her dirty underwear, put it over his head, and...well...manipulate himself. No priors, too.

That put an awful image in my head. Think I rather have the old McDonald's jingle running instead.

Had a juvi plea to probation yesterday.

Judge was asking about the burglary. Answer it was an accident.

The judge was not impressed. Seems he "accidentally" broke into a home and stole a wheelchair.

Larry E. Kelley Jr. appeared before a Pittsburgh judge wearing only dark-blue boxers and white socks Monday morning to tell him he didn't want to appear at trial, according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review."This may be at least a county
record for speed of a trial," Judge Steve P. Leskinen told the Tribune-Review. Jurors never even saw Kelley, 36, in the courtroom and took only five minutes to convict him for the theft of $38,465 in leased property. The underpants-clad
defendant was one of two to protest a Monday court appearance.

Philadelphia resident Robert Bailey, 33, smudged feces all over himself in an effort to keep Fayette County Prison officials from laying a hand him. After cleaning up, Bailey pleaded guilty to charges relating to a May 17 incident in which cops found him asleep in a stolen 1990 Chevrolet Cavalier.

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - In an unusual case of mistaken identity, a woman who thought a block of white cheese was cocaine is charged with trying to
hire a hit man to rob and kill four men. The woman also was mistaken about the hit man. He turned out to be an undercover police officer.

Jessica Sandy Booth, 18, was arrested over the weekend and remains in jail with bond set at $1 million on four charges of attempted murder and
four counts of soliciting a murder. According to police, Booth was in the Memphis home of the four intended victims last week when she mistook a block of queso fresco cheese for cocaine �inspiring the idea to hire someone to break into the home, take the drugs, and kill the men.

An informant described the plot to police, who arranged a meeting between Booth and the undercover officer. The undercover officer gave Booth some nonfunctioning handguns, bought ammunition for her because she was too young,
and the two proceeded to the home under police surveillance.

Booth told the officer that any children inside the house old enough to testify would have to be killed, police said. A search of the home with the permission of the occupants revealed no drugs � only the white, crumbly cheese common in
Mexican cuisine.

"Four men were going to lose their lives over some cheese," said Lt. Jeff Clark, who heads Project Safe Neighborhoods.

Back in the late 1980's we had an elderly woman (like 70 years old) go driving under the influence. In the back seat, she had a jug of home-made hooch. She crashed her car into a building. The building housed the local office of the Texas Alcoholic Beverages Commission. On the videotape, she attempts to strike the officer by backhandiing toward him and claims "You couldn't take it!" She says the word "Sh*t" several times. When asked to remove everything from her pockets prior to doing the SFST's, she removes the contents of her pockets, then puts her hands under her breats and raises them up toward the counter (where her pocket contents were now situated) and asks loudly, "How 'bout my t*ts?"

We marked this video as a "classic" for entertainment value. When the defense attorney saw the tape (he had previously insisted he was not pleading a 70 year-old woman to any DWI charge) he capitulated & accepted the offer. At the plea, the presiding male judge had collar-length hair. Defendant asked very loudly, "Is the judge a woman?" Then when sentence was pronounced but before the judge could get to the probation part, she hollered, "I thought I was gettin' probation!" When she was calmed down, she heard the rest of the terms & conditions. When the judge told her of the court costs and fine, she asked for a senior citizen's discount!

She was drunk as Cooter Brown's goat on the offense date, but it was funny and tragic to see the old girl through the whole process!

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. - The business cards got a response, but surely not what their owner had in mind when he had them printed up.

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They came to the attention of Leavenworth police, who used them to make a drug arrest last week.

Sylvester J. Williams, 21, of Leavenworth, was charged Monday with possessing crack cocaine with the intent to sell it, Maj. Patrick Kitchens of the Leavenworth Police Department said.

Kitchens said Williams remained in custody Wednesday on $75,000 bond.

He said police had heard for some time that Williams had been selling drugs in the area. "Then we heard that he was handing out business cards," the officer said. "In the course of our investigation we were fortunate to come up with one, and we gave him a call."

Kitchens said the business card had an image of what appeared to be an alarm clock being hit by a boxing glove and said: "For a quick hit on time call the boss."

"When he answered, we agreed to buy some crack from him, we went up there, and we arrested him," Kitchens said.

The arrest was made Friday.

"It makes our job considerably easier when they advertise and let us know where to get ahold of them," Kitchens said.

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Defendant at arraignment made the statement," Why am I charged with capital murder, the one I shot didn't die?"

OREM, Utah - An man who called police to report the theft of a quarter-pound of marijuana was arrested when police recovered the bag of pot and then invited him to come to the Public Safety Building to identify it.

Kory C. Tippetts, 18, identified the pot as his and then was arrested and booked into the Utah County jail for investigation of possession of marijuana in a drug-free zone with intent to distribute, police said Tuesday.

Tippetts had called police on Monday evening after he returned home and found that someone had broken a window, got cut on the glass, and crawled into the house. Tippetts told police the only thing missing was the quarter-pound of marijuana he was selling.

Tippetts also told officers that earlier in the day a man had called him about buying some marijuana, but he was on his way to work and told the caller no.

Tippetts gave police the man's name.

Officers found Richard W. Hight, 23, at his mother's home in Provo. He had a cut on his arm and blood-soaked pants. Police also recovered six ounces of marijuana at the home.

Hight was arrested for investigation of burglary, theft and possession of marijuana in a drug-free zone with intent to distribute and booked into the Utah County jail

A technical supervisor told me about a case in which two young lovelies had gone partying in Dallas and were on their way home in the wee hours to their rural home when the driver ran off the road. When the police arrived, they found both women rather worse for wear--and not because of the accident. They arrested the driver for DWI and carried her off to jail where she agreed to a breath test. She proceeded to "deep throat" the breath tube (I will leave the salacious details to your imaginations), to the mortification of the breath test operator. All of this was, of course, recorded on videotape. Later in the prosecutor's office, the defense attorney at in deadpan silence as he watched the tape. After it concluded, he turned to the prosecutor and--allegedly--said, "we'll plead to anything besides capital murder." Apparently, he didn't think the jury would be too impressed!

Janette Ansolabehere

Officer conducts traffic stop. Officer has driver exit vehicle. Driver has hands in his pockets. Officer asks driver several times to take his hands out of his pockets. Driver finally complies and pulls hands out of front pockets. A bag of an off-white powdery substance falls from the driver's pocket to the ground.

Officer never misses a beat and immediately tells the driver: "Hey--you dropped your dope"

Driver: "Oh yeah--thanks" (as he then bends over, picks up the meth and puts the baggie back in his pocket)

A plea needless to say.

[URL=http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11204153 ]Are you straight?[/URL]

ORLANDO, Fla. - Deputy Ed Johnson was in uniform. He was also sitting in a marked patrol car. So he was surprised when a man approached him and allegedly offered to sell him some cocaine.

Michael Garibay, 34, of Orlando, walked up to Johnson�s car at a gas station Friday and asked the Orange County deputy if he was �straight,� arrest records say.

When Johnson said that he was, Garibay asked, �Do you know what that means? ... It means do you want to buy some cocaine.�

Johnson said �yes,� and Garibay pulled out a plastic bag containing several pieces of flat white rock substances and asked for cash, records show.

The deputy took the bag and arrested Garibay after the contents tested positive for cocaine, according to the records.

Garibay was being held in lieu of $7,500 bail on charges of possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.

In September we had a young man that was our biggest car burglar plea to a State Jail Felony Credit Card Abuse charge and received 15 months. We thought that this would give the Police Department a break for 15 months. One of the PD officers called and said that they had just arrested this young man on an out of county warrant and wanted to know why he was out of
State Jail? We checked with TDCJ and found they had released him one year early in error. TDCJ sent one of their internal affairs officers and took him back in custody. This guy could have gone anywhere in the United States and no one would have known he had been released early. But he had to come back to Haskell where every peace officer knew he should still be incarcerated.

Defendant in District Court for sentencing on his possession conviction. Since he is off to SAFPF, he starts emptying his pockets, giving items to his attorney to give to his girlfriend. A small plastic packet hits the floor in front of the bench. The attorney sees it, the probation officer sees it, the prosecutor sees it, the judge sees it, the bailiff sees it. Our hero (defendant) reaches down, grabs the packet and shoves it into his mouth which prompts the bailiff to gently grasp our hero by the throat and encourage him to cough it up.

David Jamill Smith, 33, of Longview was arrested early Wednesday morning, charged with aggravated assault, along with interference with an emergency call. Police responded to the 100 block of Melba Street and were informed by Smith's fiancee that Smith had "pointed a machete at her and chased her around the house."

The woman told police she bought Smith a six-pack of beer to "celebrate six months alcohol free," the arrest report stated. Smith only began "acting up," when he began drinking, the woman told police, adding that she didn't want to press charges.

quote:

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Originally posted by Stacey L. Brownlee:
David Jamill Smith, 33, of Longview was arrested early Wednesday morning, charged with aggravated assault, along with interference with an emergency call. Police responded to the 100 block of Melba Street and were informed by Smith's fiancee that Smith had "pointed a machete at her and chased her around the house."

The woman told police she bought Smith a six-pack of beer to "celebrate six months alcohol free," the arrest report stated. Smith only began "acting up," when he began drinking, the woman told police, adding that she didn't want to press charges.

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The Longview Daily Express Statesman Chronicle had this quote from David Smith: " I was not under the alcofluence of incahol at the time of the alleged Machete incident".

quote:

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The woman told police she bought Smith a six-pack of beer to "celebrate six months alcohol free," the arrest report stated. Smith only began "acting up," when he began drinking, the woman told police, adding that she didn't want to press charges.

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This has got to be a new definition of REDNECK. Anybody know Jeff Foxworthy's email?

Lost Carjacker Calls 911 on Self

See, he's not all bad.

"The Alleged Machete Incident" sounds like a good album title.

We had a guy who stole his neighbor's lawn mower from the neighbors tool shed and mowed his way home to his own tool shed. He could't figure out how the cops got on to him.