(I don't have anything entertaining to add, I just wanted to celebrate being the 100th post on this thread ... )

And then there could be a whole chapter on things our president has said. A recent example of "Bushspeak:" Bush's 4th of July speech to the troops commenting on all the the "exceptionable" young men and women in the service of our country.

When you start making fun of my beloved W you've stopped preaching and done gone to meddling!

One of my favorite quotes when I worked at a court of appeals was a quote from a defense lawyer who was a witness at a motion for new trial in a murder case. The questioning attorney (must have been the appellate defense attorney) was asking about interviewing victims and asked something like, "Aren't most victims in murder cases dead?" and the defense lawyer answered, "Usually. All of mine have been."

This one's hot off the press from one of our offense reports: "The complainant advised that the defendant...knocked the cell phone out of his hand hurting his ARMY and that he made threatening JESTERS toward him." I swear I'm not making this up!!! Guess I never thought of jesters as being particularly threatening but you never know, do you.

Now the gripe. In the same report the investigating officer repeatedly, and annoyingly persists in referring to himself as "this deputy" and "this officer." I see this in offense reports all the time. Does it say in some police training manual that "Thou shalt never refer to one's self as "I" or "me?" I had legal writing professors in law school who religiously preached against "legalize." Can't someone launch a similar crusade against "police speak?"

Thanks to all who have so enthusiastically embraced this topic and pushed it onto the 6th page! And Shannon, if you didn't do enough with saving our longevity pay, you were the 100th customer at this string! Please stay on the line to collect your prize.

Re: Trey Hill's gripe that Some People (meaning defense attorneys, police officers?) under-plularize, I had a trial with an attorney who OVER-plularlized words. "Breakfasts" was pronounced as "brek-fuss-iz." "Sandwiches" was was also pronounced, "samm-itch-izz." (It was a trial about starving a child, so food was an issue.) So my co-counsel and I went to dinner after a day in court listening to that and over-pluralized everything on the menu. "Do you take credit cards-ez?" "We'd like some chips-ez."

[This message was edited by jane starnes on 07-09-03 at .]

Back to JScroggins' accent problems. I had an officer who, after executing a search warrant on a house, wrote that he "found several rocks of crack cocaine under the conner of the bed." We puzzled that one for a while. You know, it's where you tuck in the covers.

Stacy, you might be interested to know that, although I did not write the letters you speak of, My lovely wife (from Ohio) says that on my voice mail I ID myself (me, being from Texas) as an employee of the Districk Attorneys office.

Guilty as charged, I guess.

From a seizure affidavit received earlier today:

"the [Defendant] also continued to state that his Driving Pillages had been suspended."

And to think--I didn't know that you could obtain a license to drive and pillage. I'm guessing under the new state scheme that plundering will cost extra.

This morning a woman approached a local defense attorney during the jail run and asked her to show her client, who was in the holdover call, a sonogram image. The lawyer did as she asked. Later, another woman approached the attorney to ask, "Who was that b#tch and why was she wanting my husband to see a sonogram?" The lawyer responded in a non-committal and diplomatic manner. When she told the defendant about the flap, he assured her that before he claimed the child as his own he would demand a fraternity test.

The complainant was informed that she would need to file a report with the Sheriff's Department in the county where the assault accrued.

Does it count for anything to get the 1,000th post overall?

Just got this pro se motion to dismiss from an inmate:

"Plaintiff is incarcerated in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice-Institutional Division and is illiterate. Since presenting this case to the Court Plaintiff has returned to school and is currently working on his GED in school. At the onslaught of this suit Plaintiff depended on 'Jailhouse Lawyers' to obtain the records of his confiction.

...Plaintiff has found that he was ill advised, and wishes to apologize to the Court and all concerned for filing this frivilous lawsuit...."

[This message was edited by John Bradley on 07-12-03 at .]

[This message was edited by John Bradley on 07-12-03 at .]

From a letter sent to one of our Judges - "im in Jail for an MTR. The reason for my mtr is I violated some violation of my probation and I caught an avading arrest...." He also advises that, " I was unawear how long they (the guys who really had the marijuana) was out there and I was unawear that the police had been called."

This guy's defense, as told to the police officer who finally caught him and took him into custody as to why he ran was, "my probation officer told me not to have any contact with the Police." Hey at least he was listening to something his PO said!

I just couldn't let it dye !

From the arrest warrant affidavit: "The victim stated the defendant put his hand under her pajama top but on top of her brazier."

[This message was edited by BLeonard on 07-30-03 at .]

I am sure his defense was: "She was hot!"

The court received a letter from one of my defendants asking for his case to be dismissed. You see, he has suffered many "heartships" since being incarcerated, and he really misses his wife.

Or the probationer who was awaiting transport to SAFPF special needs. She had requested and received a court appointed attorney to appeal her involuntary modification after a revocation hearing in May of 2002, and she was very dismayed once the court of appeals denied her request for intervention. She was perhaps more dismayed that she was not in line for SAFPF from May of 2002 to December of 2002 due to the filing of her appeal and stay, and so thus chagrined she advised me that SHE WAS REVOKING HER OWN PROBATION and would not be participating in safpf no matter what.

I guess she's still up there, maybe working the program, as I haven't had a violation report cross my desk on her yet.

"And the deep-seated hostility that flowed between MCI and the rest of the industry made it hard to tell truth from fact."
WSJ August 1, 2003, p A10