The thread had been resurrected! Now, brothers and sisters, proceed to post commnents worthy of the resurrected thread. Surely the English language has continued to be butchered over the last several months. Can I get an amen?

Def. was charged with Assault Pub. Serv. for "grabbing officer's equipment and refusing to release his grip" turns out "officer's equipment" was of the male reproductive variety, rather than something on his gunbelt.

Witness told the officer that the suspect was upset and destroying things in the residence.
"I observed the living room, kitchen and bedroom had been rampaged."

I've not looked at the website for 5-6 weeks, having been in trial for a total of 28 days this year. Glory, glory to see this thread revived. No new legal malaprops, just a tip of the hat.

According to one Deputy, our Poss of Meth Defendant didn't lay down on the ground like he was "suppost to do when I done tole him to."

I read a police report this morning that included "probably cause" statements.

I think the statements met a higher standard of proof.

We received the following from a defendant who had a pending case against him. The punctuation, spelling, etc. is exactly as it appeared in the letter.

**************************************

Dear, Mr, Moore

Yes sur yall have a check on me down Thair That is From 89-90 yall sent me a cort Date in 94 I was in TDC From 94-97 if yall wood do some checking It wood show up and my Lawyear Said That eny Thang I had Befor I went to TDC is suppost to Be Tim served I havet had a check Book Scince 89 and I have ollmost 3 mothes in the Tarrant County SO could I Pleases get tim served where I can get Back to work yall charge is the onley Thange Houlden me Hear

A friend of the Defendant wrote in (along with about fifteen other relatives) to explain his perspective of the marriage between the defendant and the victim. The writer explained that the defendant just couldn't have been the person to break the victim's wrist because he admired the defendant's ability to maintain the composer of a good father. The speaker continues to assure us that defendant has never shown any hostile-violent-or otherwise fowl behavior towards the victim.

As long as we are on the topic of letters, I once received the following letter from a female "acquaintance" of a defendant accused of shooting his wife in the head:

"I am writting this Support letter on behalf of Mr. [Defendant]. Grant it be known that I have had a ceasless affiliation with Mr. [Defendant] for over 18 years. I have always recognized [Defendant] to go out of his way to help others. In my conception [Defendant] is sympathetic, enchanting, congial, outgoing, caring and a very Interlectual young man. Since I have known [Defendant], I have never known him to reflect or absorb in any major or minor dispute perplexity unless he was antagonized. [Defendant] has never been infringe, discourteous or hideous with anyone. For whatever reason in writting this Support letter, I hope that it would be of great help to Mr. [Defendant] in all means essential. Thank you very much for taking the time out and reading my letter on behalf of my dear friend Mr. [Defendant].

I absolutely, positively hate putting this thread back at the top of the list, but I couldn't pass up today's interview with a witness. We were discussing the possible testimony of another prospective witness, to which she promptly replied that "she's a obituary liar". Talk about speaking bad of the dead!

Okay the only relationship this has with the law is that I am a lawyer, but.

My wife and I were watching the news and heard a report about the possible flooding after the rains earlier this week in Mexico and South Texas. The interviewee, a member of the local rescue community stated that there was a danger of flooding but we should not be concerned because:


THE SCUBA DIVERS WERE ON ALERT!

I think by the time they get called it will be too late for some folks.

I just read this in an offense report:

"Deputy *** took several pictures of the vehicle but was unable to locate any desirable latin fingerprints for comparison to any subject."

Perhaps he would have had more luck with English prints?

English prints are usually related to not-so-passionate crimes, bland food and less than exciting dance clubs.

Are you talking about prints William or prints Harry?

Boo.

This just in from a prisoner who was out on bond for forgery and is now back in for the same thing. (Don't you love inmate mail to brighten up your day?)

"I was one of the prettiest and most popular women in Huntsville. ... I am not a theft or a hoe."

OK, Dan, since you brought it up, here's a line from some inmate mail too good to pass up:

"I've fought the fights you foughten."

Then this genius wrote to his friend, "I'm sending you an encrypted kite." Then includes the code in the letter. A really complicated code, too -- "A is really B, get it?"

I guess that writer who is not a hoe won't get to work on the "hoe squad" in the pen. We had a graduate of the "hoe squad" in our jail recently.

Oh and I don't think that anyone around here could read the English prints either, they may be related to ours, but you know they are a bit different. We would probably do better with the latin ones, although tex mex is more our style.

I can't believe our prosecutor down in Brenham has not contributed this one, but they had a trial a couple of weeks back that ended in a hung jury 8-4 for guilty and the jury sent a note out without it being signed by the foreman. The Judge sent it back asking that the Foreperson sign the note and when it came back it had the signatures of four people (apparently the four who voted not guilty) . I guess it will be presiding juror from now on!

I just had a case where three inmates were brought up from the jail- two for original pleas for pen time and one for a motion to revoke probation. One of our probation officers showed up and one defendant asked what the officer was doing there. The officer said he was there for a motion to revoke on another defendant... our hero replied "Thank goodness...I'd rather be in the pen than on another one of your probations!" She got 8 years TDC.

Another prime example of why I love getting inmate mail:

One of my probationers is now incarcerated in Louisiana and wants to do an agreed revocation in absentia, although, of course, he is not guilty of the new offense for which he is serving time over there. His letter says, "I'm writing to inform you of how I'm willing to violate myself. And ask if you would be so kind as to accept my offer."