DWI book-in video:

Officer: "Do you have any physical defects?"
Drunk (Male): "Yea"
Officer: "What is it?"
Drunk (Male): "My ______'s too short."

You fill in the blank, I'm sure it's not a mystery. Poor fellow - drunk, in jail and painfully honest!

Is that a statement against penal interest?

We searched the cartilage, attempting to locate the defendant.

From a report for a burglary of a habitation: "A latter was also used at the scene to gain entry in the house."

From another inmate letter:

He wants to sopina some witnesses (sopina means I'm going to make them go to court and testify) , because they would not let him file a piece warrant. Also, because they can testify that he was passionally upset in court one day because a guy was let go that he thought was a felony.

At the risk of being accused of trying to breathe life into a dying thread, I just read this gem in an offense report:
"The inmate threw A WHITE OBJECT AT US, LATER IDENTIFED AS A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER."

Did this require a test? Did they have to call in the toilet paper expert to tell the officer what this white object was?

Way to bolster your own thread, Jane...

Of course you will need to distinguish between toilet "paper" and toilet "tissue" in your indictment. Then, there's the matter of cast-off, swipes & wipes, not to mention back-spatter, a very messy subject. Don't know if even Mr. Whipple will be able to help you with that one. When you put him on your witness list, make sure to include that bear from the woods.

Jane, your thread will never die, because I have a file folder full of stuff like this, to wit:

(from PC affidavit for DWI arrest resulting from an accident, quoted after the suspect failed his first two FSTs ...)

"I told the subject that I was of the opinion that he had had too much to drink to safely operate a motor vehicle. Mr. S___ said 'I'm not trying to safely operate,' then told me that he would not perform any more field sobriety tasks ..."

(from a booking sheet on a DWI arrest after the suspect blew a 0.11 ...)

INTERVIEW

Were you operating a motor vehicle? No
Destination? Don't know
Started from? Sports bar
What time? Don't know
Where are you? In Hell
When did you last eat? Why?
What? Why?
Have you been drinking? Why?
What? I don't understand.
How much? Why?
(remaining questions refused ...)

An inscription written by a protective order respondent on the reverse side of a photo of the respondent that he had given to the applicant:

"To my Dearly wife That I Love so very much & will Love till Deaf Do us part."


I'll contribute more later if this falls off the radar again ...

From an assault report:

"[The victim] said that he felt Skip assaulted him because he had talked with the people who came to the house. [The victim] also told me that he knows Skip and that he is called Skip because he has one leg which can come on and off, thereby you get the name Skip."

(from an assault report)"The complainant at this point began to beg and cry to the suspect not to commit any bottle injury."

Maybe they should all be "chocked" to death!!!!

I am in trial on a Manufacturing Meth case and the defense counsel keeps talking about "adulterants and diluterants" and was asking a witness about any "incenitives" a c.i. might have to make a case against someone else.

Well, my meth cook case ended up in a hung jury, 11-1 for guilty, but at least I get some more material to contribute to this thread. The final note from the jury after about 6 hours of deliberations, "The jury is hopefully deadlock."

That brings back the memories of another jury that sent out a note on the punishment phase that read, "We have a verity."

Was interviewing a woman placed on probation for Assault of a Peace Officer. Asked her about the offense, what happened, etc. Went something like this.

"well....they said I kicked him in the tennacles....you know....his private parts".

I wanted to ask if that was in the "gentile" area but thought better of it (she may have told me).

(From an offense report detailing a suspect surrendering himself on a warrant: )

"... we met at jail for booking about 1pm. Although I did not ask G____ any direct questions about this case, on the booking sheet there is a question about any needed medical treatment. When I asked G____ if he needed any medical treatment, he replied, 'Yeah, I need my head taken out of my ass.'

"I took this to be an admission of his involvement in this case"

[This message was edited by Shannon Edmonds on 08-28-03 at .]

Just finished reading an old offense report, where the detective gave a SNOPSIS of each witness's statement . . . thought it was just a typo, but the Y key was obviously working and there were a bunch of witness SNOPSIS's.

I almost went to Court with a DWI report that my secretary had incorrectly typed. It read as follows: "....and the defendant was driving erotically..." instead of erratically.

Tommy, I once pled out a DWI collision case that actually involved erratic AND "erotic" driving. Here's what the accident report read under "Officer's Notes":

"A rope was found inside R____'s veh. tied around the brake pedal. It is believed that he had the rope tied to the pedal and his penis in some sort of deviant sexual practice."

And under "Driver's Description of What Happened":

"R____ stated ... that he had been drinking and that he ran the red light. When asked about the rope he said "You weren't supposed to see that."

A true case of auto-eroticism ...